Changes
by cathandsaraforever55
Summary: Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing? SEQUEL to 'The Scene We Didn't See.'
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

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**Catherine's POV**

It's been a week since the funeral. An event that should provide closure if not, the knowledge that we caught the guy who did this to Warrick should. But it didn't, and now I can sympathize with the victims more than ever. I've been the victim, but I have rarely ever been the one left behind when the victim of such a heinous crime is gone.

Tonight a man asked me how many times I say 'I am sorry for your loss.' The truth is too many times to count. I feel even worse than before repeating the hollow words because they provide no comfort. No amount of words can replace the emptiness left inside. Not even time can completely erase what has happened.

I make my way down the hall. In my hand I hold the evidence for my case that Nick and I have collected so far. I need someone to go over it with me. A fresh pair of eyes. Nick is busy, and I can't find Sara. I assume she is staying at Grissom's house. So now I am looking for Grissom.

Sara... She is still here. I assumed she would be gone by now. Words to me long forgotten, but she is here. I have asked her if she has wanted to get a bite to eat, or hang out at my place. Every time I asked she has been busy. I know things can't change overnight. The words that I have thrown at her cannot be forgotten. I am trying though. Trying before she disappears from my life. Again.

It is true when I have asked her to spend time with me she has not taken up my offer, but whenever I have been down, stuck in the darkness, she has appeared. Helping me through my moods. Putting me back on my feet. I don't know how she does it. I am forever grateful for her help.

As I step into Grissom's office an overbearing silence has descended upon the room. Full of hurt and anger. Sara is sitting across from Grissom as he sits behind his desk. I note the distance and know I have just walked into a very personal moment. However their seating throws me off. It is so formal for lovers. Last time I walked in on them they were sitting side by side. Something has changed.

Gil is the first to notice me. "Can I help you Catherine?"

Sara turns to face me. The emotion swimming in those dark brown pools breaks my heart. I want to take her in my arms and hold her there forever. Protecting her from all the evils of the world. As she has done for me on countless occasions. "I..." My mind is still focused on Sara and for a moment I have no clue why I am standing here. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I was looking for someone to go over my case with. I'll go..."

I turn and leave the room. Sara's sad eyes freshly imprinted in my mind.

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Sighing I run my hand through my hair. Nick and I have just closed our case. Glancing down at my watch I realize that I have to take Lindsay to school soon. Walking past the break room my eyes skim it. It takes my mind a few minutes to register what I have seen. But what I did makes me turn around and walk back to the room before entering.

Sara is sitting at the table. Head in her hand, dark hair falling around her face. She is slumped and looking defeated. Cautiously I walk up to her. She is too lost in her own mind to notice me. Gently I place a hand on her shoulder. I know something is wrong when she does not flinch away from my touch. "Sara, hun?" She doesn't respond. "Sara?"

Looking up at me she sends me a sad smile. "Hey Cat. Did you need something?" I gaze into her eyes with disbelief. Even stuck in a turmoil of emotions she puts me first.

"No...I wanted to make sure you are okay."

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" She tries to cover her emotions but fails. I pull the chair next to her out and sit down. I run my hand down her arm before taking her hand in mine. I suppress the longing to touch her. To kiss her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She shakes her head. I am reluctant to leave her. "I heard about Greg's case." Her eyes lock with mine. They are empty. "I'm sorry. It had to be hard for you." She looks away from me and I know that I will get nothing more from her. I glance at the clock, and know I am pushing it on getting Linzz to school. "I have to take Lindsay to school. Do you want to come?"

"No," she replies quietly.

"Okay. Feel free to stop by my place or call if you want to talk sweetie," she looks up at me after the word sweetie leaves my mouth. I can see a hint of shock and twinkle in her eyes, but it quickly fades. "Or if you want to hang out. I'll be around." I give her hand a squeeze before getting up and leaving the room.

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Walking into the house I look around. It has been a while since I have gotten the chance to clean. I enter my bedroom and slip out of my work clothes opting for a pair of Homer Simpson pajama pants and tank top.

Going into the living room I decide to at least tackle this room before catching a couple of hours of sleep.

Looking around I determine at least half of the mess was created by my teenage daughter. Turning on the radio I begin to clean.

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A knock sounds on the other side of my front door. I set the dirty plate I was washing back in the sink and dry my hands.

Walking to the front door I open it and discover Sara on the other side. She is holding a leather bag in her right hand and the sadness playing in her features has increased since the last time I saw her.

"Hey hun, come on in."

I step aside but she remains where she is. Quietly she says, "I can't stay with Grissom anymore."

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TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

**A/N :** Quote- pg 37 The Last Precinct by Patricia Cornwell

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**Catherine's POV**

Gazing at Sara I am trying to decipher what is going through her mind at this very moment. However she is unreadable, just as she always has been.

I snap back into reality as I remember that Sara is still standing on my front porch with a bag in her hand. "Okay," I say quietly and nod. I stay where I am and wait for her to feel comfortable enough to come inside.

After a minute she steps inside and I close the door behind her. "Do you want to stay here Sara?" She turns and looks at me. She reminds me of a lost child. Unsure of the boundaries and consequences; unable find her way home.

"I don't want to be in your way."

"Nonsense sweetie I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you here." She nods her head. I can tell that she is on the brink of tears. Eight years of experience with Sara Sidle has given me the knowledge that Sara does not like to be seen crying, or to be seen as weak.

I take her hand and lead her into the guest bedroom. Glancing at her I say, "I'll be in the living room when you're done."

I am almost to the door when I hear a faint, "Thank you." Briefly I lock eyes with Sara and I can see the gratefulness in her eyes. Gratefulness and unspoken knowledge. I send her a small smile and leave the room.

I take a seat on the couch and flip on the TV. Sara needs her time and I don't want her to feel like she has to hide, but I also don't want to give her a reason to believe that I am listening. I want to gain her trust. It may take a while. It may take forever. If it is the later I am willing to wait.

I can hear Sara moving around. I can tell she is pacing. I turn up the volume on the television and wrestle with the desire to go to her and comfort her.

Trying my hardest I manage to watch fifteen minutes of _The Office,_ a show that Lindsay has gotten me hooked on. I turn off the TV and am about to go back to washing dishes when I realize Sara is leaning against the door frame watching me. I don't know how long she has been there, but it can't have been too long.

I pat the empty space beside me on the couch and she crosses the room and sits next to me. I note the distance she has left between us, which is fairly large, and the way her arms are crossed protectively over her chest. Subtly informing me of Sara's reluctance to allow me into the inner workings of her complex mind.

That and she is afraid I am going to hurt her.

We sit in silence. I am full of uncertainty. I do not know what is appropriate to ask and what will be too personal for Sara. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, but cannot tell what she is thinking.

"Does Gil know where you are?" I ask quietly.

"No." She looks at me with a mixture of emotions. I cannot tell if I have asked the right question or the wrong one.

"What's going on between you two?"

Sara opens her mouth to answer and then closes it. Her eyes are roaming the room, but she is no longer in it. She is bound in the past by bittersweet memories. I can tell by her expression she is struggling with what to feel. "I don't know," At first I am not sure if she has really spoken, but I realize that she has when her eyes land on me.

I send her a small smile and reach out to touch her arm sympathetically, but she pulls away before I can make contact. Confusion stirs within me. Earlier she let me touch her, but now she won't. She must have been too preoccupied and me too hopeful.

Something must have flashed across my face, because Sara gives me an apologetic look. "I didn't mea…"

"It's fine," I reply quickly. I want to lock my pain away. Hidden in the blackness that consumes my heart. Along with the sorrow, fear, and hate. I want to be numb. Immune to the loss and confusion that has engulfed my world.

I want to concentrate on another's problems so that my own will temporarily disappear. So that I can feel less sorry for myself.

I want to curl up in the arms of the amazing woman sitting across from me and let the world pass us by. I want to gaze into Sara's eyes and lose myself. I want to spend the rest of my life making her smile and making her feel safe.

However reality is cold and harsh. What we want, what we need, what I want and need will never become more than a mere fantasy. Created to distract me and remove myself from the threatening world.

When it comes down to it everything in my life is insignificant, because there are those who have lived through much worse than I have, and who have needs far greater than mine.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to walk in on you and Gil."

"Don't apologize Cat, you actually saved me from a very long and painful conversation."

"But," I stop and think about what I really want to ask, and what I really want to say. "Wouldn't it have been easier to get everything out in the open at once? While you still had the courage and the time? You've been gone for so long Sara…" I stop myself, because my next sentence would change everything back into what I am trying to avoid.

"It might have been easier, but now I have time to evaluate what I really want. Since before I left I have been questioning myself and my motives. Maybe I need a little more time. Time and a friend."

I am in disbelief that Sara has opened up this much to me. It is more than she has in the past eight years. I gaze into her eyes and try to judge whether she meant what I believe she meant. I find a small twinkle in her chocolaty orbs. I send her a small, shy smile.

I have just taken the first step in getting Sara Sidle to let me in.

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Groaning I eagerly let my eyes wander from the files and paperwork I have brought home. A dull pounding has made itself known in my head. Removing my glasses, which are a constant reminder of my rapidly increasing age, I pinch the bridge of my nose.

I glance over at Sara who is curled up, engrossed in a book on the opposite end of the couch. She has been here for almost a week, but I rarely see her. She spends most of her time in the guest room. This causes me to cherish the time we spend together even more than I would originally. "We have a new CSI at the lab."

Sara drags herself out of her book and looks over at me. "Really?"

I nod, "Riley Adams. She is young, but sweet. I'm sure she will fit in… It's still not the same though." I don't have to elaborate. I know Sara will understand exactly what I am talking about.

Ever since...well truthfully ever since Sara left the lab, I have had this underlining sadness. At times it becomes more pronounced, or causes me to act differently. However I never notice the change in my mood before it is too late. Having Sara around though, with her ability to tell when I am having problems, has made things better. Made life easier.

At this point my emotions are becoming oppressive.

Sara's eyes are on me. I peek at her feeling slightly awkward under her gaze. What my glance reveals is that she is contemplating something. "Come here," she says. I slide closer to her. I am careful to leave space between us. "Closer." I follow her directions. To my surprise she wraps an arm around me. Cautiously I rest my head against her shoulder and am pleased when she does not shy away from my touch. Sara picks up her book. I sit here in content. At the moment I don't need any more, but couldn't live with any less. Sara startles me as she begins to read out loud, _"The pain from Benton's murder is frighteningly fresh. I fear it will always be fresh, that I will never escape the hollowness, the echo of empty rooms in my soul, and the anguish in my heart,"_ Sara's voice is soothing as she speaks the truth. Even though I have never known a man named Benton, what is being read to me so closely mirrors my own emotions. I did know a guy named Warrick, and I do know a woman named Sara.

A woman who has caused exactly what is coming from her lips within me. Even when she was around she wasn't really around. I lost Sara Sidle a long time ago, but now I have my chance to get her back. Sara has paused as if she understands that I am lost in thought without even looking at me. Where she begins to read again is a few sentences down from where my mind cut her off. _"No one knowing. No one caring._

"'_A pattern like this,' Anna comments, 'If it isn't arrested, takes on an unstoppable energy and sucks everything into its black hole,'_

"_I tell her my life is not in a black hole."_

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I am still pondering my daughter's actions. I caught her in a night club with a fake ID. I was ashamed of myself for not realizing that she has one, I was hurt because there is a level of trust I have allowed my daughter and she broke it, and I was worried and scared because a girl that was murdered was last seen in the same club. Then I find her waiting in my office for me, even though she is grounded, wanting to apologize. I have never seen my daughter so considerate before. It makes me wonder how much she really knows and has observed.

Linzz has been great about Sara staying with us. She didn't ask many questions when I told her that Sara was going to be living with us; only if Sara was okay, and if there was anything she could do to make Sara feel more welcome. Even though we don't see much of Sara, Lindsay always tries to engage Sara in conversation when she does see her. I find it extremely sweet considering that Lindsay barely knows Sara. She has only seen Sara during holiday gatherings and when she visits the lab.

The fact that they do not know each other very well is my fault. I have done nothing to include Sara in our family. But I am trying now. I have changed. Things have changed.

Transferring my mind back into reality, I shift my body out of auto pilot and pay attention to the glass I am recovering from the victim. Grissom is standing across from me with an odd expression on his face. I comment on the wounds, but he does not seem to have heard me. "Did you just hear a word of what I said?" He looks up at me and I repeat my statement.

Part of my mind is still on the two people I get to go home to after shift. "You getting any sleep?" I ask figuring he didn't hear me because he is tired. He glances at me but does not reply. I take that as a no. "Me neither." I know I shouldn't let my curiosity get the best of me, but I can't help it. I need to know what Gil knows. Part of me feels as if I am betraying Grissom by complying with Sara's wishes, but the other part of me keeps reassuring that feeling that Sara is most likely telling Grissom the things I know. If I had to betray someone I'd rather betray Grissom than Sara. I know it's a horrible thought, but it is the truth. "What do you hear from Sara?"

"I don't know where she is," he replies. The pain in his features is evident and guilt sparks somewhere inside of me.

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I got out of work early tonight after closing my case. The guilt that I felt when I caused Gil pain has settled within me and is going nowhere anytime soon.

The house is dark as I flip on the lights in the kitchen. I notice the light seeping out from under the guest room door. Needing comfort I walk down the hall and knock on the door. When it opens I immediately forget my problems. Tears are streaming down Sara's face, and she is attempting to hold back a sob. "I didn't realize you were home," she says quietly.

"I got out of work early." I am about to leave and give Sara the privacy I know she wants to pull herself together when something stops me.

She's always the one helping me even when I believe I don't need the help. I care about Sara more than anyone else in the world aside from Lindsay. She is obviously needing a friend. Instead of leaving I look at her. She is deteriorating in front of my eyes. I step closer and pull her into my arms.

She protests, but in the end gives up. As her arms wrap around my waist she can no longer hold back her emotions. They come out in a giant wave of tears that rack her body. I hold Sara close to me. Leading her back into the room I manage to shut the door and guide her to the bed without letting go. "I've got you Sara…It's gonna be okay sweetie," I whisper in her ear.

Her arms tighten around me, and I can clearly feel the desperation that must be coursing through her. The pain that tears her apart. The same things I felt for different reasons when she held me in her arms. "You are going to make it through this Sar…we'll make it through this together. You're strong. You can do this," I continue to whisper.

"I…" Sara's voice is so quiet I believe I am hearing things. "I…I don't think I can…"

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TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

* * *

Catherine's POV

"Mom," a faint voice in the distance calls to me. "Mom wake up." There is a hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes and the harsh morning light assaults them. Lindsay is standing over me. I groan and close my eyes before trying to open them again. "Why are you in Sara's bed?" There is a small smirk forming on my daughter's lips. Glancing around I realize I must have fallen asleep while I was comforting Sara. Last thing I knew she was curled into my side emotionally exhausted, and on the brink of a unconsciousness. But she is no longer in the room.

"Where's Sara?" My voice is thick and scratchy.

"Sleeping on the couch. You never answered my question." My eyelids are heavy and all I want to do is go cuddle with Sara on the couch. However something inside tells me that that would be too much for Sara. It would make her too uncomfortable.

I nod. "Do you need something Linzz?"

"I'm about to leave for school. I just wanted to let you know. Is everything okay?"

"Fine. Why would there be something wrong?"

"I dunno. Why would you be sleeping in Sara's bed, and Sara sleeping on the couch?" I roll my eyes at my daughter's persistent attempts to find out what is happening.

"Linzz everything is okay. Remember to come home straight after school because you are…"

"Grounded. I know." Sitting up I give Lindsay a hug before she leaves the room.

Dragging myself out of bed I quietly make my way to the living room. Leaning against the doorframe I watch Sara. She seems so peaceful. All of her worries and fears have been erased from her beautiful face. She is angelic and will be until she wakes up and her life hits her at full force again; aging her ten years in the course of seconds. Sadness overwhelms me at the thought of talking to Sara and knowing what I have to tell her. Standing here watching her only confirms my thoughts and I know if I don't say anything she will stick it out here for me.

Turning around I decide on a shower. "Cath?" I stop and focus back on Sara sending her a sad smile.

"What's wrong?" She asks groggily.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep."

"No, I should get up and get in the shower. Plus I want to make you breakfast."

"Sara you don't have to do that."

"I want to." I don't know if I have the stomach for food at the moment. The thoughts rushing through my head and sparking emotions I'd rather not feel are too much. I need a moment to get my head together and find the words to tell Sara what I have to.

"Okay." I walk away from her before my tears overflow as they are threatening to do.

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Making my way into the kitchen the aroma of coffee is overwhelming. When I enter the room Sara is standing with her back to me in loose jeans and a form fitting tee with her wet hair pulled back in a ponytail. Despite my inner battle I smile at her. She is humming along to a song that is playing faintly on the radio. Crossing the room I grab a mug and fill it with fresh coffee.

Sara takes my mug from my hand and says, "Sit." I raise an eyebrow at her but do as she says. She fixes my coffee the way I like it. I didn't think she would notice something like that at work, but I guess after over eight years of working with her she has. If I think about it I realize that I know the way she takes her coffee too.

I don't know exactly why such a little detail is so important to me. It's not extremely important information, but all of these years I have always believed I know almost nothing about the enigma that is Sara Sidle, yet there are little things, not large things, but things that I have learned about Sara from working with her. That cheers me up slightly, but nothing, absolutely nothing, can completely take my serious and foul mood away.

Sara sets the mug in front of me and I quietly thank her. I wait in silence for her to finish cooking and join me at the table.

She slides a plate in front of me. I look down at the omelet. I want to eat it, but I have an empty aching in my stomach, and I know I will most likely only be able to take a few bites. Sara sits in the chair across from me.

I take a bite of my food and am surprised. For someone who claims they live on takeout Sara sure can cook.

"How is it?"

"Really good…" I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. "Sara I need to talk to you."

She looks up and examines me closely. From the expression on her face I can tell she knows our discussion will be serious. "Food first and then we will talk." I open my mouth to protest and she cuts me off. "Cath I don't remember the last time I saw you eat. We have all the time in the world for talk. Your health comes first."

Stopping for a moment I think, and I can't remember when the last time I ate was either. It couldn't have been that long ago. Could it? "Alright."

I turn my attention back to my food, and try to ease my churning insides long enough to eat. I force the rest of my food down and wait for Sara to finish. Getting up I refill our coffees.

I hand Sara hers and sit back down. Sara pushes her plate away and looks at me. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I…" Sara sleeping on the couch, the feel of Sara racking with sobs in my arms, the look in Sara's eyes revealing how lost and confused she is, flashes in my mind. "I think you should go away for a while," I say with more confidence then I feel.

Sara focuses on me with a blank expression before she looks away. When she returns her gaze to my eyes fear, hurt, and confusion are present in those dark pools. "Is that what you want?"

"No…"

"Then why did you say that?"

"Because even though I would rather you stay…I want you to be happy Sara, and I know that you can't do that here. At least not now."

She nods. I know she is hurt, but I also know I needed to tell her to leave or she never would.

"Can I stay here for a few more days? To figure out where I am going to go." Sara doesn't look at me when she asks. If she had she would have seen the tears beginning to well in my eyes and I would have been the one to turn away.

"Of course." Sara nods her head again and then leaves the room. I didn't expect her to be happy about what I had to say. I had hoped that she would understand, and maybe she does. I look down at the plate in front of me. Sara went through the trouble of making me breakfast and then I had go and tell her I want her out of my house. It must have sounded like she is no longer welcome here. Which is so far from the truth; I want to go comfort her but figure it is best to give her time.

I need to give myself time too.

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Sitting on the couch I am remembering. Remembering what it feels like to have Sara hold me in her arms. To know that she cares, and to know that she is my friend.

It's been two days since I told Sara I felt it was best for her if she left. She is still here, but barely. She has been in her room, and I believe, avoiding me at all costs. I've heard her talking with Lindsay at times. I've heard her moving around in the bathroom or in the kitchen late at night, but whenever I have seen her she has remained silent.

I wish that she would talk to me. Let me know what is going through her mind, but most of all I wish she could comfort me and take away the pain. The pain that haunts me in every waking moment and in my fitful sleep. There is nothing I can do to stop the torture, and that is because I started it.

Waiting is the worst part. The knowledge that I will soon have to say goodbye to Sara is too much. All I have to do is ask her not to go and she will stay, but I refuse to let myself do that. I don't know which is worse the instant goodbye where Sara disappears and rips my heart out, or waiting. Planning the goodbye. Thinking constantly of what I want to say to Sara, what I want her to know before she goes.

No matter how horrible the pain I won't ask Sara to stay. Not having her around will be difficult, but worth it, because I love Sara, and I have come to understand in the past few days that if loving her means letting go I will do it. Because one day maybe not today, or tomorrow giving up Sara Sidle will give her back the happiness she deserves.

Hearing footsteps I look up from the spot on the carpet I was staring at. Sara silently enters the room and takes a seat on the couch next to me. "Hey," I say quietly.

Sara sends me a sad smile. "Hey. I uh…I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Oh… Do you know where you're going?"

"Not really." I nod.

"Are you mad at me?"

Sara gazes up into my eyes and I have to struggle not to get lost in those dark pools. "At first I was a little hurt, but I understand what you want is what you feel is best for me."

"Good. I don't want us to end on a bad note."

"Me neither. Do you think you could give me a ride to the airport tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course." The airport. That means that she is going far away.

"Cat." I move my eyes to Sara's and she searches them for a few minutes. "Come here." She holds her arm out and a small smile curls the edges of my lips. I move into her arms and rest my head on her shoulder. Her hand soothingly runs through my hair, lightly scratching my scalp. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I can't tell her without making her feel guilty. "Don't worry about it."

"But…"

"Sara you are leaving tomorrow let's just enjoy each other's company."

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

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I watch with a small smile on my lips as Lindsay pulls Sara into a hug. "I gave you my email the other day so keep in touch Sara. I'm going to miss you." Sara is facing me and I watch as a huge smile appears on her face.

"I'll miss you too Linzz. Try not to give your mom too much trouble okay."

"What makes you think I'd do that," Lindsay asks and pulls out of the hug.

"Just a feeling I have since you act so much like your mother."

"Hey!" I cut in. "I do not give people trouble."

"Of course you don't Cat." I can see the twinkle in Sara's eyes and the smirk she is trying to suppress.

I stick my tongue out at her. "I'll be waiting in the car when you are ready to leave." Sara's expression becomes sober and mine mirrors hers.

Getting in the car I wait. It seems like all I ever do is wait. Wait for Sara. Wait for goodbye. Wait for the pain to end. Wait for more loss. Wait for love. Wait for my escape. I spend my life waiting instead of taking action. In work everybody always says I will get the answer, solve the puzzle, but that is the only place I don't sit around and wait for the answer.

Sara gets in the car and I glance at her. "Ready?"

"Yeah." I still have the chance to ask her to stay. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as I drive. I can see the sadness, the hurt, the anger, and the confusion in her beautiful eyes. Well they are usually beautiful, but right now they are distorted with emotion. Stormy and cold. I could never ask her to stay. "You promised."

"What?" I focus on Sara even though I should be looking at the road.

"You promised that we would get through this together. That's why I was hurt… Shit Catherine, watch the road!" I rip my eyes from Sara and swerve back into my lane to avoid oncoming traffic. I pull into the gas station parking lot and turn off the car.

"We both promised."

"And I was willing to keep my promise, but you…you are telling me to leave." Sara's words are harsh and bitter. I can see the tears building in her eyes, which causes tears to blur my vision. I don't remember the last time I cried so much…it…it must have been…the last time...the last time Sara left…

"Sara…I would never tell you to leave if I didn't have a good reason. Do you think I really want you to go?"

She looks at me with defeat and nods.

"I thought you said you understood."

"I believed I did, but the more I thought about it last night the more I realized that I have no clue why you want me to leave other than you do." I glance at my watch. We have time.

"Sara I can't explain all of my reasons, all I can say is I spent time with you, and I watched the woman I believed to be indestructible fall apart in front of me, and I know that you cannot stay here. It's killing you. Please Sara, I never meant to hurt you. Don't be angry…"

"I'm going to miss my plane if we don't get going."I am taken aback by her sudden shut down. I stare at her for a few minutes. Tears are trickling down my cheeks. Sara refuses to look at me. Starting the car I pull out and continue on our way to the airport.

I mess with the radio until I find a song I like. Sara rests her hand on top of mine which is resting in my lap. "I'm sorry Cath. I shouldn't have said anything."

"I'm glad you did."

"You are?"

"Yeah I am. You were being honest with me Sara. Lately everybody has been walking on their tip toes around me afraid that I will break, but not you and I appreciate that." Sara squeezes my hand and then removes her hand from mine. I smile.

"What?"

"This song reminds me of Lindsay. She is always listening to it."

Sara chuckles. "She has a good taste in music. You know Cat, probably everyone tells you this, but you have done an amazing job raising her. She is a sweetheart, even though she is slightly over protective of you."

I raise an eyebrow. "What did she say to you?"

"Nothing," Sara says, and then jumps out of the car as soon as I park. I roll my eyes at her. I'll have to pry the answer out of Lindsay later.

I get out of the car and hear Sara say, "Cath you don't have to walk me in."

I smile at her. "Yes I do." She shrugs and we walk into the airport together.

Sara gets her ticket and then we make our way to the security line. Sara pulls me aside a little. Before she can say anything I start talking. "Do me a favor this time?"

"What?"

"Let me know where you are and if you're safe. I was well on my way to a stomach ulcer last time Sidle."

"I will. Only if you promise to get a hold of me, after I give you my contact info, if you need anything."

"I promise."

"I'll hold you to that Willows." I smirk at her.

"Maybe I'll see you around Sara." Or maybe I won't.

I turn around to leave, "Cath." Glancing over my shoulder I see Sara put her bag down and hold open her arms. A full blown smile appears on my face and I walk into them. She wraps me in a tight embrace and I hold her closely. "Take care of yourself," Sara whispers in my ear.

"I'll try. You take care of yourself too. I'll miss you." Sara strengthens her grip on me before letting go all together. She steps into the security line and sends me a small smile.

I return the gesture and then walk away. I want to stay until I can no longer see Sara, but my emotions won't allow that. When I am further away from Sara I whisper, "I love you," knowing that no one will hear me.

I make my way out of the building and then into my car. Mentally I kick myself for being so emotionally weak as I again feel tears streaming down my face. The fact that I am no longer waiting for goodbye should cheer me up, but it doesn't. All I can think about is how Sara will no longer be here to catch me when I fall.

I have to remember how to make it through life. It's just Lindsay and I again; on our own.

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TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

**

* * *

**

Catherine's POV

Letting out a shaky breath I open the front door to my house. I can hear the TV on in the living room. I catch a glimpse of myself in the window on the opposite wall. I look like shit. Bloodshot eyes with tear stains running down my face. It seems this is a permanent look for me. Ever since Sara Sidle walked out of my life and then reappeared. Ever since Warrick died, and ever since I began separating myself from the rest of the team. I make my way into the living room. Lindsay is sprawled across the couch. She glances up at me. She says nothing about my appearance, but concern has lined her features. Though I doubt she is surprised by the way I look; she knew that today would be a hard day for me. The day that I say goodbye to Sara Sidle. Maybe for good.

"Hey," I say quietly.

Lindsay turns her attention toward me and sends me a sad smile. "Do you want to watch this movie with me? It just started." The edges of my lips curl.

"Sure." I know this is Lindsay's invitation for comfort. She does this when she knows I need someone or when we she needs me. Maybe we need each other today. She sits up and I take a seat on the couch and prop my feet on the coffee table. Lindsay rests her head on my shoulder and curls her legs into my lap. I kiss the top of her head and wrap and arm around her. "What are we watching?"

"Fight Club." I roll my eyes. Lindsay has watched this movie at least a thousand times. I think she might know it by heart, and she randomly quotes it. Somehow I have not managed to see more than five minutes of _Fight Club _out of all the times she has watched it. I've been too busy with work or guys or with something, and it kept me from spending time with my daughter.

I tighten my grip on Lindsay and she snuggles further into my side. "I love you sweetie."

"I love you too."

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Taking a seat I glance around the auditorium at all of the other parents. Lindsay will be surprised to see me. I told her I wouldn't be here because of work, but I fought tooth and nail with Grissom and eventually Ecklie to be allowed to go to this ballet recital. The man sitting next to me flashes me a kind smile. "Hi I'm Michael." He holds out his hand and I take it.

"Catherine," His skin is pleasantly warm against mine.

The lights dim and the curtains move aside allowing the dancers to be seen. Lindsay is posed in the center of the stage. "Which one is yours?" Michael whispers.

I discreetly point. "Lindsay."

"I thought so." I send him a puzzled glance.

"I'm the choreographer." After a moment I remember Lindsay mentioning him.

"It's nice to finally meet you. Lindsay has talked about you." He smiles. The music starts and we are forced to remain silent.

During the show I watch in awe at my daughter's skill, but part of me can't help but notice the heat radiating off Michael's arm. How nice it feels. It reminds me of Sara.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He has nice features; his hair is brown with a slight shading of gray at the temples, and his eyes a deep, dark brown. He raises an eyebrow at me as he notices my gaze, and I focus back on the stage.

It has been a month since Sara left and I have yet to hear from her. I can feel the lump forming in my throat at the thought of Sara and push everything away. She's gone and if she wants to reach me she will.

A hand on mine drags me away from thoughts of Sara and I am grateful. I focus my attention on Michael and he smiles at me. "You looked like you could use some comfort," he says quietly. "Do you have a pen?" I nod and dig into the bottom of my purse and pull out a pen. Handing it to him my fingers brush over his and I am hit by a wave of confusion.

Michael hands me back my pen along with a business card; on the back are his home and cell numbers. He winks at me and I feel a dulled sensation course through me, but I have no recognition of what it is.

Letting out a small sigh I realize I have more thinking to do then I believed I did. Michael takes my hand again and I intertwine our fingers. Maybe it's worth a shot.

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Leaning against the headrest on my bed I open my laptop. I took Lindsay out for ice cream after her recital. Signing into my email I see that I have ten new messages. One from Grissom, a few junk letters, Victoria secret, and one…

One from Sara.

Ignoring all of the others I open Sara's and find a video clip. Turning on my volume I hit play and watch anxiously. Sara appears and my stomach does a back flip. "Hey Cat…It's been a while," the sound of her voice causes tears to swim in front of my vision as I realize just how much I have missed her, and just how relieved I am to know that she is safe.

"I'm sorry I couldn't contact you earlier but I am at sea, somewhere below the equator. The crew and students here are amazing, and I wish that you could be here with me. I know you would enjoy the sun, and when it sets it is the most beautiful sight you would ever see. There is a girl here that reminds me of you. She never stops asking questions and searching for the answers. You can tell she is kind and loving and every time I see her I remember how much I miss you. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but the time I spent with you at your house you became one of my best friends.

"I don't think I have ever been as honest with anyone as I am with you, and I miss our…I missed the connection we have," I can tell she is struggling to tell me this. "Our friendship is different. I think you will agree with me on this, but it is us, and it always has been.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past month and I want you to know I think I understand why you wanted me to go, and I have to thank you. Truthfully I forgot what it feels like to be happy. But I am happy. I'm really happy." There is a huge smile on her face and I believe her. "I hope to hear from you Cath. Give Lindsay a hug for me will you?" I am surprised to find a small smile on my face despite my overwhelming sadness. "Bye," She doesn't say anything, but she sits there looking at the camera. A sad smile appears on her face before the camera is turned off and the video ends.

I hit reply and stare down at the blank space. Shaking my head I close my laptop and set it on the bedside table. Tears are beginning to fall from my eyes and I don't bother to stop them. This is how I have put myself to sleep nearly every morning since Sara left and right now Sara's smiling face, and twinkling eyes are imprinted in my mind. Curling up I let my tears flow as I think about Sara, Michael, and my newfound confusion.

* * *

_Three Months Later_

Opening the door I smile. "Hey." Michael smiles back at me and hands me the flowers he is holding.

"Hey," He replies. I step aside and he comes in and closes the door. I turn and face him.

"These are beautiful." I lean into him and place a chaste kiss on his lips. When I pull away I keep our faces close, "Thank you." As I speak my lips brush his. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.

"Don't think you're getting away that easily." A small smile touches my lips and then I close the distance between us. His lips are warm against mine. They give me a small sense of comfort. Getting impatient I run my tongue along his lips. He allows me access and traces my tongue with his as I explore the roof of his mouth.

When it becomes hard to breath I pull away. This is my third date with Michael and I can still not shake the longing to run. The sense that this isn't right.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just need to tell Linzz we're leaving." Walking down the hallway I knock on Lindsay's door.

"Come in." Lindsay is sitting on her bed with her laptop placed on her legs.

"Michael and I are leaving." She focuses her eyes on me.

There is hidden knowledge in those crystal depths. "Give it time. You never know."

I nod and send her a sad smile. "Don't stay up too late sweetie."

Lindsay rolls her eyes. "I won't." I know she will. Lindsay won't go to sleep until she is certain that I am home and safe. She has been this way ever since she was kidnapped.

Guilt trickles into my system. I blame myself for not being there afterward. For not helping her through the depression and anxiety that followed. I buried myself in work and tried to ignore everything at home, ignore when I flirted with rape, and the death of my father.

"I love you."

"Love you too Mom."

Leaving her I return to Michael and struggle to rid myself of all the doubts racing through my mind.

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Michael parks outside a small restaurant. I recognize it instantly as the place Sara and I went the only time we went out together for breakfast as friends; alone. "You said the food here was good so I figured this would be a nice change from the strip."

_Sara smiles over at me. "I figured it would be a nice change from the strip." I gaze into her eyes and for the first time see evidence of care in those chocolate eyes and not hate._

"Catherine?"

"Hmm?" I struggle to erase Sara from my mind. Erases those beautiful eyes that I could lose myself in forever.

"This place is alright isn't it?"

"Of course," I reply as I plaster on a fake smile. I get out of the car and Michael takes my hands as we walk into the building.

We sit at a secluded table in the corner and order drinks. I ask for a beer hoping that it will calm my nerves and settle some of my racing thoughts. From where I am sitting I have the perfect view of where Sara and I sat. For a moment I believe that the brunette woman sitting at that table could be Sara, but I remove the idea from my mind. It couldn't possibly be. Sara is on a ship somewhere south of the equator.

I return to the present and battle to stay there. Michael is talking about his newest project and the talent of the group he is working with. I nod and smile when it is appropriate. When the waitress takes our order I manage to function long enough to tell her what I want.

_Sara quietly chuckles as I tell her about what Greg did at our scene today. For the first time in forever I feel as if I am wanted. As if my presence is not a burden._

I realize Michael has finished talking and is waiting for a reply from me. "I'm sorry what did you say?"

"I asked if…are you alright you seem off tonight?"

"Yeah I'm fine I just didn't get much sleep."

"Okay," I can tell he doesn't believe me but pushes no further. My cell phone begins to vibrate in my pocket and I ignore it.

Knowing how to reassure Michael that I am enjoying myself, and that he has done nothing wrong I run my foot up his leg. He smiles at me and raises an eyebrow. He goes back to eating his food at a faster pace, and I know that even if I don't want to I will be having sex tonight.

Luckily for me I want to.

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Waiting for Michael to unlock the door to his apartment I press myself against his back and slide my hand down to his crotch. I can feel his hardness. I don't know if that turns me on or makes me want to pull away. A little of both maybe.

The door opens and Michael leads me inside. When the door is shut securely behind us he pushes me against the wall and kisses me roughly. His hands roam my body and I focus on the sensations, not on who is touching me. My nipples harden against palms and lava travels to my core. Before I know it I am being guided into the bedroom. I hear moans escape me.

My shirt disappears followed by my pants. I fumble with a jean button and then his pants are gone too. Michael pulls his shirt over his head exposing a lean muscular body. His leg presses against my core and I whimper. Closing my eyes I return to the pleasure. He puts himself inside of me and I moan. Deeper and deeper. I match the rhythm. Picture Sara's face. Imagine it is her hands roaming me, because I know I'm not yet ready to let her go, and right now that is fine with me.

Arching my back I allow pleasure to overwhelm me. Michael grunts above me and I am brought back into reality with a huge sense of guilt.

He softens inside of me and I allow him to lay on top of me. He holds me. His body is covered in a thick layer of sweat and I try to ignore it.

Finally he rolls off me and scoops me into his arms. I snuggle up against him and close my eyes. I keep reminding myself that I will never have what I want, but I have a chance to be happy, and I shouldn't let it go.

I wait until I am certain Michael is asleep then crawl out of bed.

Locating my jeans in the living room I put them on and then try to figure out where I left my bra. My phone vibrates once in my pocket and I glance at it. It informs me that I have one new message. Sitting on the couch I call my voicemail, enter my password, and wait.

A familiar voice starts to speak and my heart sinks. "Hey Cath it's Sara. I haven't heard from you, and I called because I'm beginning to worry. I know you haven't heard from me in a while either. It would be nice to hear your voice and have a friend to talk to. I miss you Cat…so umm call me back. Bye."

Closing my phone I stare at the floor. I was considering spending the night, but now…now I think I should go.

After searching for paper and a pen I leave a note for Michael saying that Lindsay called and needs me. I apologize and thank him for the great night.

I call for a cab. I glance around to make sure I didn't forget anything and then leave preferring to wait outside.

Standing on the curb I can't get Sara's voice from my mind. I haven't heard that voice in person for four months. I take out my phone and then put it back. I need to move on, but on other hand I wouldn't want Sara to worry anymore than she has.

I know I will get sucked in again. Into a world filled of pain and longing for Sara Sidle.

I find her number and hit the call button before I can stop myself. The phone rings twice I am about to hang up as I lose my confidence when I hear noise on the other end of the line followed by, "Hello." I sigh in relief at Sara's comforting voice, and then hang up the phone and get in the cab.

I watch Vegas out of the window. The neon signs and crowded streets blur as I remember how good Sara makes me feel.

* * *

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

This chapter is dedicated to Georgia

"**What I like in a good author is not what he says, but what he whispers.**" ~Logan Pearsall Smith

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"_**Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."**__ –Albus Dumbledore_

**Catherine's POV**

_Three Months Later_

There is a knocking on my bedroom door. Looking up from Sara's latest email I wipe away the tears that I could no longer hold back and faintly say, "Come in."

The door opens and Lindsay peeks her head in. She glances around, I have no doubt that she is making sure Michael isn't in here before returning her eyes to me. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course sweetie," I pat the empty space on the bed next to me. She cautiously crosses the room and sits down. She is tense and I begin to worry. Either something is wrong, or she has something to say to me that she knows I won't like. "What's wrong babe?" I tuck her hair behind her ears so that I have a clear view of her beautiful face, and kiss the side of her head.

Her eyes wander down to the computer and then flicker to my face. She stares into my eyes for a few minutes. "You still miss her." The way she says it makes it a statement not a question. "Why haven't you talked to her once since she has left then?"

"Linzz…" Sara has become a topic of argument between us more frequently in the past few weeks. I know that Sara and Lindsay talk all of the time. I am glad they do. I know it how much it means to Lindsay to have Sara in her life especially since nobody who has promised to be there for my daughter has kept that promise to her before. "I've told you it's complicated."

"I know it is…it's just, should that really matter? You are friends right? What kind of friend refuses to talk to the other one for six months? I understand there is more Mom, but Sara is worried sick about you. She is becoming frantic and I can hear it in her voice every time we talk. She is combing over every little detail in her mind trying to figure out what she did to cause you to not talk to her." A renewed sense of guilt floods me. I've been attempting to forget. I don't want to remember how I feel about Sara because it is too painful. I have something good, something stable going on with Michael and I don't want to ruin it. Especially when there is a possibility that Sara might not be coming back.

"Linzz I can't…what am I supposed to say? How do I explain what I've been trying to do?" Lindsay listens to me with patience and looks at me with sympathy. She is truly the only person I have in this world that will love me no matter what.

"So don't explain. Call her and talk to her even if it's only for five minutes. Tell her about work; tell her about everything or nothing. She just wants to know that you are okay." Lindsay takes her cell phone out of her pocket. She hits a number on speed dial and waits as the phone rings.

"You better not be calling Sara. I don't know what to say…" she hands the phone to me and leaves the room. I stare down at it and then realize that Sara is probably still on the other line. I bring the phone up to my ear.

"Linzz are you there?"

The sound of her voice brings everything back, but at the same time gives me comfort and strength. "Sara," I say quietly.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah."

"I...you…" I hear her let out a sigh, "How have you been?"

"Confused," I hear myself say. Mentally I kick myself for being open. Already I know what Sara will ask next.

"Why?"

"I don't know Sar… Tell me about the people you are working with."

"Ok," I can tell she wishes I hadn't changed the topic, "Well I know it's crazy but they remind me of the people I left behind in Vegas. I told you about that one younger girl that reminds me of you. Well there is a teacher here that reminds me of Grissom, and also one that reminds me of Greg. There are a few students, one that is exactly like Nick and one that acts just like War…"

"Warrick."

"Yeah. I wasn't sure how you…"

"I've accepted it, but time is doing little to make what happened any easier."

"I don't think it ever will."

"I know what you mean… How long are you going to be at sea?"

"I don't know."

"Oh…Sar…I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch."

"We're talking now, that's all that matters," I can hear the sad smile in her voice.

"We are."

"How's work?"

"Busy."

"So no different," I let out a small chuckle.

"Crime doesn't stop for anyone."

"How are things working out with that new girl?" To be honest I don't like Riley. She has replaced Sara, and no matter the similarities between the two all I can see are the differences.

"She is just as defiant as you are."

"Really?"

"Yeah maybe even more if that is possible." Sara laughs lightly. The sound brings a small smile to my face and tears to my eyes.

"Cath I miss you," her voice is barely more than a whisper.

"I miss you too," I can hold them in no longer and the tears begin to fall. I hate myself for being so weak. For letting Sara do this to me.

"Don't cry Cath," her words are no use, no comfort; I can hear tears in her own words. Why I do not know, but they are there. This is when I need Sara to be strong. To be the indestructible woman I once knew, but for some reason she's not.

She's not here when I need her to hold me and that makes the tears flow even harder. She is not here because I told her to leave when secretly I was wishing that she would stay for me. Stay for me or leave for me or… I don't know what I wanted besides Sara.

I long to touch her and kiss her and hold her in my arms and never let her go. The distance between us has never been greater yet at the same time we have never been closer, and it hurts with a pain that penetrates so deeply that it is impossible to remove and impossible to ignore.

In a short amount of time I have found a best friend in Sara and it feels as if we have been friends forever, but that only causes me to need her here with me more. The more I learn about her the more my love for her grows and this feeling is as if I am being cruelly tortured.

Her words are soothing even though her voice is shaky, but I wish I had never heard them. Yet without her in my life I would self destruct, and even though her words and kindness will save me they are also the things that will destroy the little parts of myself I have left after living this life.

I'm trying my hardest to move on, but each time I take a step closer to leaving Sara behind the more I am reminded that she is the only one I want. I am reminded that no one will truly ever measure up to Sara in my eyes. Ever.

Because she makes me feel as no one else ever has. She treats me with respect and she listens to me. She doesn't use me to her advantage. She makes me want to be a better person and give her all of the things that she gives me.

I can hear her quiet words in my ear and I hang up the phone. I must accept that all we will ever have is a friendship.

There are so many unspoken words between us. Promises and understandings. However it is the promises we have made to each other that linger in the air and cause every fiber of my being to ache with unrequited love.

Lindsay's cell phone vibrates and I know it is Sara but I ignore it. I can't talk to her right now or maybe ever if I have even the slightest chance of putting my life back together. The house phone rings. Once, twice and I know Lindsay has answered it.

My tears are still flowing freely. I hug myself and try to forget why everything hurts so much. To forget all the losses I have suffered in the course of this year so far. I don't know if I could take another one. Another goodbye, another death.

The door to my bedroom creaks open and I can feel Lindsay's eyes on me. I cover my face and try to stop my body from shaking. I can hear her footsteps and sense her worry. The bed sinks beneath her weight by my side. And her arm wraps around me.

I hate it when Lindsay sees me like this. She shouldn't have to see me like this. She should have a strong mother. An untouchable mother. A good role model and stability in her life, but it seems as if I can't provide her with that and I never have been able to. I have tried my hardest but it is never enough.

I have failed her and that thought intensifies all of my pain. I pull Lindsay to me and hold her closely as I repeatedly tell her how sorry I am. How sorry I am for everything.

* * *

_Three months later_

I saw the signs. I've been seeing them for a long time, but I refused to believe what I was seeing. I should have talked to him, because that is what friends do, but I didn't. Again I have been too wrapped up in myself to focus on anyone else. When I think about it, it is Sara all over again. There is probably something I could have done to help him, just as there was something I most likely could have done to make things easier for Sara and to keep her from leaving.

People always say that you learn from your mistakes, but I don't think that is true. If it was history would not repeat itself, and I would have done something to stop everyone from facing another goodbye.

Maybe I couldn't have influenced his decision. But I have this nagging feeling that I could have. Now I am sitting next to the man that is supposed to be my best friend, customizing shoe designs and pretending to ignore the fact that he announced that he is leaving at the beginning of shift.

"Catherine," I turn my head to look at Gil. I can see the effects that this year has had on him. He is tired and I can see in his eyes that this life is not enough for him anymore. That he is hurt and lost and needs to find a new way. Gil has always been unreadable to most people but for me he is an open book. Sara is the one I have always had difficulty figuring out. "I uhh…I know I surprised you today, with the…"

"I knew," I don't let him finish. I want to be honest with him. It is what he deserves. Nodding slightly I send him a small smile. Taking am moment to pull myself together I look down at the desk before looking back up. "I knew before you knew."

He looks at me with love in his eyes. Not the kind of love he felt for Sara or I feel for Sara, but the kind felt between friends. This kind of love is just as intense, as strong, as unconditional as any other, and I return it. I gaze into his stormy blue eyes and try to express to him how I feel and let him know I understand how he is feeling and why.

The computer beeps and breaks our silent conversation. I look at the screen, "Well it looks like the sneakers were designed by a Gerald Tolliver." I always knew there would be a time when Grissom would leave, but I tried to pretend that day would never come.

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There is a knock on my office door. "Come in." I look up from the mountain of paperwork I am trying to make a dent in.

"Hey girl, these were left at the front desk and I volunteered to bring them to you. It seems you might have an admirer…or two." Nick says as he hands me a bouquet of red roses. I open the little card and read, _love Michael._

"You said 'or two' what is that supposed to mean?" Nick pulls out a single yellow rose from behind his back along with a card.

"This was delivered to the front desk for you too." I take it and instantly recognize the writing on the front of the card. Sara. I glance up at Nick. I can see curiosity in his eyes and I know he recognized the handwriting too. "I didn't realize you two have been keeping in touch."

"We talk now and then," I say feeling guilty. Guilty because I don't know if Nick talks to Sara or even knows where she is, and guilty because I have never been extremely open with Nick so I don't particularly feel inclined to tell him what is going on. He seems to sense that he won't get anything else out of me so he leaves the room.

He is probably going to talk to Greg and see if Greg has heard from Sara or knows what is going on. Hopefully he will at least do it discreetly so that the entire lab doesn't know that I got a flower from Sara Sidle by the end of shift.

Opening her card I am curious to know why Sara felt the need to send me something. I do have to admit to myself that her single yellow rose seems to be ten times more thoughtful than Michael's bouquet of red ones.

_I am thinking of you and miss you. Hope everything is well-Sara_

I am again struck by a sense of guilt. Ever since the phone call about three and a half months ago I have gone back to avoiding Sara. I know I should talk to her and apologize. Attempt to make things better but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to face the pain again, and I know I am a coward, and I know I am weak, but I just can't.

I place Sara's card in my desk where I know it will be safe. Gazing at the rose I let out a sigh and look at my computer screen. I touch the mouse and what I was last doing reappears on the screen. I open a new tab and login to my email. Closing my eyes I think before writing. I want to keep this short and sweet just like Sara did.

_I got the rose and card. Thank you. It was really sweet of you to send me them especially since I have been treating you horribly. I've been thinking of you too Sara and you have no clue how much I miss you-Cath_

I hit send before I can chicken out. Almost instantly I receive a reply.

_I told you I would be there for you and I'm not breaking that promise.-Sara_

Sighing I write back:

_I know._

I hit send and wait. After a few minutes I see I have one new message.

_Why are you breaking it then?_

TBC...

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	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

* * *

Catherine's POV

_Three months later_

"Michael?" As I wait for him to turn his attention to me I stare down at my hands. I can't stop fidgeting. This is what I want. I really do, but if I do then why do I keep reminding myself that this was my decision? That this is the next logical step in our relationship?

Michael has been more then patient with me over the past year. I've pushed him away, told him to leave but he has forgiven me. He has stayed and waited for me to be ready again to move on. I've held him close in need, and most of all I have loved him to the best of my ability.

I don't acknowledge it often, but Sara still holds a small piece of my heart. I must go on without it though, because I have found someone else. Someone who loves me, and I am determined to make this work. "Yeah?" His brown eyes are caring. Having his full attention on me makes me uneasy.

His gaze is different than Sara's, than Grissom's, than Warrick's, Nick's, or Greg's. He makes me nervous, yet at the same time gives me comfort and security. My feelings for Michael are strange, and ever changing. "I was thinking, if you want to, maybe you could move in with us."

He raises his eyebrows in surprise, "Really?" His voice is full of excitement and I can't help but smile.

"Yeah, really." His smile touches his eyes.

Leaning forward his lips are inches from mine when he stops. "Is Lindsay okay with this?" I nod my head yes and he presses his lips firmly against mine. I close my eyes and allow him to put his tongue in my mouth. I can feel the warmth of his hand as he moves it slowly up my jean clad leg.

Somebody knocks on the front door. Michael pulls away from me and rests his forehead on mine while he lets out a groan. I smile softly at him and place a chaste kiss on his lips. As I start to stand up Michael pulls me back down onto the couch. "I'll get it," he mumbles.

Waiting I wonder who it could be. Michael calls to me, "Cath it's for you."

Standing up I make my way to the door. My eyes lock with warm, chocolate brown ones and a familiar wave of emotions washes over me. Standing on my front porch is no other than Sara Sidle.

She is tan and her hair has been kissed by the sun leaving golden streaks in its path. She has a brown leather bag in her hand and she is watching me uncertainly.

"Sara," I manage to say in barely more than a whisper when I realize I haven't spoken yet. She smiles sadly at me.

"Hey Cat."

Snapping to my senses I move closer to the door. "Do you want to come in, or are you going to stand out there all day?" Her smile widens as she steps inside. I glance to the side and remember that Michael is still in the room. He is looking at me expectantly." Oh…Michael this is my friend Sara Sidle, Sara this is my boyfriend Michael Brooks."

"Hi," Sara holds out her hand to him and he shakes it.

I focus my attention back on Sara, "Do you have a place to stay?"

"No I was hoping I could stay here for a little while, but I can see that you are…uhh…busy, so I'll just go."

"Don't be silly hun of course you can stay here." I am relieved by her sudden appearance. I know I shouldn't be especially since it gives me an excuse not to spend time with Michael. Remembering I now have to consult with Michael I turn to him, "Is that okay with you?"

"No problem." He smiles at me. Silently I thank him.

"I have to pick up a few things in the guest room." Walking away I am hoping that Sara will join me. I am longing to feel her arms around me again after so long, but for some reason it felt wrong for me to hug Sara in front of Michael. Even if I'm not doing anything wrong.

Opening the door to the guest room I glance around. Everything is exactly how Sara left it. I'm the only person that has been in here since she left. In the beginning when I needed comfort I would sit in here. For a while Sara's scent lingered, but it began to fade.

Soft footsteps sound behind me. Looking over my shoulder I watch Sara as she walks down the hall toward me. Fully stepping into the room I take a seat on the bed. She enters the room and closes the door behind her. I can feel her eyes on me as I gaze at a spot on the rug.

Guilt is working its way into my system. I pulled away from Sara. I hurt her, and I have no excuse for my behavior, and then there is Michael. My boyfriend who is in the other room oblivious about my feelings for Sara. Of course she isn't aware of those feelings either so the risk of anything happening between us is less than zero.

I don't think I could ever tell Sara about my feelings. It is not because I believe her to be shallow, or afraid she would freak out; nothing like that…it's just I am already so afraid of fucking up things between us…not to mention I probably have successfully fucked up things between us already, that I would never consider telling her how I feel. It would just make things awkward and uncomfortable between us, and I would rather have a friendship and her happy then having Sara know what is going on in my mind every time I look at her…

I'm not certain exactly when I fell in love with Sara. People I've talked to can remember the exact moment they fell in love with their partner as if it were yesterday, but that never happened for me. One day I got an email from Sara about the case we were working on, and at the end she left a witty comment that made me smile. I thought _I love when she does small things like that._ Next thing I know the thought pops into my head, _I love Sara_.

That statement felt so right that I never once questioned it, because I knew it to be the truth and I've loved her ever since.

The bed sinks beside me. "I'm sorry for just showing up out of the blue. I should have called first, and not assumed you would be here alone."

"Sara, I told you, you are welcome here whenever you want or need a place to stay so please don't apologize. I'm the one that should be apologizing. I assumed that Lindsay had told you about Michael." For the first time since we have been alone I dare to look into her eyes. They are never ending and full of complex emotions. She gazes back at me. I smile at her. "It's great to see you Sar."

She sends me her adorable gap toothed smile. Gently taking her hand I lace our fingers together. I glance around the room again, "I have to change the blankets on the bed, I haven't had the need to go in this room since the last time you were here," Now guilt is coursing through me. I can't even be truthful with Sara. Luckily her hand in mine provides a slight amount of comfort.

"I've noticed," She says as she beams at me. "My bra is still in the corner where I left it. I've been looking for that thing forever." I advert my attention from Sara and notice the article of clothing on the floor that I never realized was there.

I chuckle lightly. "I need to do a few loads of laundry later. I can throw it through with everything else. Do you have any other clothes you need washed?" She shakes her head no. Standing up I unwillingly let go of her hand. She mimics my actions and grabs her bag.

She begins to unpack some of her things. I remove the blankets from the bed. My eyes wander to Sara. Her back is to me at the moment. I take a step toward her and hesitate. Quietly I take a deep breath and walk over to her. I place a hand on her lower back. She gazes at me over her shoulder with a puzzled expression on her face. I slip in front of her and wrap my arms around her. Instantly her hands slide along my back and pull me closer. I lay my head on her shoulder. Closing my eyes I sigh in contentment. I haven't allowed myself to think about how much I've missed Sara's friendship in a long time, but now I realize just how much I have been needing her lately. "I missed you," My voice is quiet. Sara tightens her grip on me in response.

The door flies open and loudly hits the wall. This noise is accompanied by my daughter's excited voice, "Sara! Why didn't you tell me you were…oh..." I pull away from Sara, "Sorry."

I send Lindsay a small smile. "It's okay sweetie. I have to get started on laundry," I motion toward the pile of blankets sitting on the mattress. "Why don't you two catch up while Sara unpacks?" I lock eyes with Sara and wink at her. Her eyes briefly twinkle brighter than before.

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Walking out of the bathroom Michael is lying on the bed waiting for me. I know what he wants, and don't feel the same way. He pats the space on the bed next to him and I unwillingly sit down. His lips find my neck and I cringe. I am grateful that he can't see my face.

"We have guests Michael."

"I guess you'll just have to be quiet then." He smirks at me and I roll my eyes. I'm a lot quieter than he believes. I make noise in hope it will hide my obvious lack of interest. I begin to unbutton my shirt knowing that he will win this one. "What no foreplay baby?"

I want to say _let's just get it over with_, but have a feeling that might not be the best choice of words. I send him a small smile. "Sorry I'm just tired." He nods and gets to work unbuttoning his pants. When they are off I notice he had no trouble getting hard even though I barely touched him and vice versa.

He moves closer to me and I quickly rack my mind for ideas. "Can we use a condom tonight?" I haven't used that excuse lately. He looks at me and I know he doesn't want to. "It's just I haven't gotten a chance to run to the store and grab my birth control refill." He nods his head and quickly searches the nightstand drawer.

When he slides into me I know that the condom is so lubricated that he can't tell that I am not turned on. He begins to push himself in and out. I close my eyes and attempt to be turned on. Matching his movement I act as if I am having trouble keeping my voice down while my mind has wandered to the brunette currently residing in my guest room.

He is on the edge, "Ready?" He grunts out. He briefly opens his eyes and I nod at him. As he shakes above me I arch into his body and moan into the hand covering my mouth.

When he is done he pulls out of me and rolls onto the bed. He holds out an arm and I snuggle into it attempting to fight off the wave of nausea that has overcome me. After a few minutes he asks, "Where were you tonight?"

"Hmmm?" I ask feigning sleep.

"When we made love it seemed like you weren't really there."

"I…I just have a lot on my mind."

"Oh," I can hear the concern in his voice. "Want to share?"

"Not at the moment, but I appreciate the offer." I can hear that he is tired. "Go to sleep Mike." But my words were not needed; I can already hear him faintly snoring.

I lay in his arms for a few more minutes until I am sure he is asleep. Cautiously I get out of bed and throw on some boxers and a tank top. I find my bra and slip it on under my shirt. Glancing in the mirror I see I have what can only be described as sex hair so I throw it up in a loose ponytail.

Quietly I leave the room shutting the door behind me. I can hear someone moving around in the kitchen. I make my way toward the light assuming it is Lindsay who has been staying up until four in the morning lately just so she can talk to some boy for a few hours after he gets out of work.

Stepping into the kitchen my eyes land on Sara. Her back is to me as she stares out the kitchen window as she drinks a glass of water. Her eyes lock with mine in the window. "Hey," I say in a hushed tone. She smiles at me. "I thought you were Lindsay she has been staying up late to talk to some guy from school recently."

"I didn't wake you did I?" She asks after she has swallowed her water.

"No. I was…up."

"Oh," I can hear the knowledge in her words.

"I ummm…I didn't wake you up did I?" I can feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks.

Sara smirks at me, "No, I couldn't sleep. I didn't hear anything either…" I am certain that I am the color of a beet. "Not that there was anything to hear," She quickly adds. "Are you okay Cat? I noticed when I got here that you seem a little…sad."

"Yeah, fine." At the moment all I can think about is being in Sara's arms again. I want her to wrap them around me and never let go. Her arms are a shelter from the world around us and at the moment I really need that comfort. "Umm…hey Sar?"

"Yeah?"

I continue to stare at the ground self cautiously. I am about to admit weakness and that is something I do not do well. "Do you think…do you think I could have…a hug?" I glance up at Sara who is beaming at me.

"Of course. Get that tiny ass of yours over here." I can't help but laugh as Sara holds out at her arms and stares at me with disbelief. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her waist. "You know you don't even have to ask right?"

"I know," I whisper. She wraps her arms securely around me. I hold her close, taking in her warmth and the sensations that come with it. I am so wrapped up in Sara the world around us seems to disappear.

"Oh, sorry," Michael's voice snaps me back into reality. I turn so that I can look at him but reuse to let go of Sara. Sara tries to pull away, but I won't let her. I know that I am doing nothing wrong so I am not going to attempt to hide anything.

All I am doing is hugging a friend.

My eyes lock with his and he looks confused. After a few minutes he breaks the connection. He turns and walks back down the hallway.

I think I hurt him, but I will make it up to him later. I gaze up at Sara. She is watching me. "You should go back to bed Cat."

I return my head to Sara's shoulder and tighten my grip on her. "I know," I whisper, "but I don't want to…"

* * *

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

**

* * *

******

Catherine's POV

Groaning I timidly open my eyes. Pins and needles are stabbing at my arm where I slept on it wrong. Looking around I realize that I am in the living room. The arm around my waist shifts before tightening its grip on me. Sara buries her face in my back and a quiet snore emits from her. Silently I chuckle at the noise, and the fact that we managed to squeeze on the couch together; granted I am hanging half way off of it with only Sara's arm to keep me from falling off the piece of furniture.

After Michael interrupted our hug in the kitchen and after constant urging from Sara to go back into my bedroom with Michael we decided to move into the living room so that we could talk. There wasn't much talking though because it was obvious Sara was tired and I had suddenly been hit by a wave of exhaustion myself. I guess we must have fallen asleep and somehow maneuvered into the rather comfortable position I find myself in.

Squinting I can semi-read the clock in the kitchen. I know that by now Sara and I have the house to ourselves. Guilt floods me to know that Michael probably saw Sara and I like this, but I remind myself that we have done nothing wrong. I don't think Lindsay will have cared, especially because I suspect that she knows more than she is letting on.

I attempt to remove Sara's arm causing her to mumble something that sounds like she is talking about play dough. I roll my eyes and carefully move us so that Sara is practically sprawled out on top of me with her head resting on my chest. It amazes me that she has not woken up once through my whole struggle.

Grabbing the remote I turn on the TV and dare to gently run my fingers through Sara's hair as I look through the channels. I decide on watching _Live with Regis and Kelly_. Currently they are talking to Meryl Streep about her new movie _Doubt_. I listen with interest having seen many of her movies. Her latest sounds to be just as intriguing as her previous movies, and I know that if I have time I'll have to talk Michael, Lindsay, or maybe even Sara into going to see it with me.

I try my hardest not to laugh at a comment made, afraid of waking Sara, but I can't help let out a small chuckle. Sara stirs on top of me and I know that she is waking up when her finger begins to stroke my side. She lifts her head, eyes barely open, "Morning," she slurs.

I smile at her. Sara waking up is adorable. "Morning. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine." She rests her head back on my chest. "I don't remember falling asleep."

"Me either. I can't believe we managed to stay on the couch all night." Sara quietly laughs at this.

"We probably should have gone to bed."

"I guess…"

"Do you think that Michael will be mad that you didn't go to bed?"

"I don't know, maybe a little bit."

"I didn't mean to cause problems…"

"You haven't. "

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." I rub Sara's back reassuringly. "Do you want coffee?"

"Sure." I am disappointed when Sara moves so that I can get up. Instantly a cold settles over me from the loss of Sara's body heat. I stand up despite my protesting muscles.

Once I am in the kitchen I get the coffee started, and then take a moment to gather my thoughts. Will Michael be mad? Jealous? He shouldn't be, Sara and I are only friends. Or that's what I keep telling myself. Our actions are innocent; at least Sara's are. I have no reason to believe that Sara wants more. Why would she? I'm older and come with baggage. She has been around long enough to see what life with me would be like.

Footsteps announce Sara's presence. Turning around I lean against the counter and fold my arms over my chest. A small smile appears on my lips at the sight of Sara. The sleep is still visible in her eyes and her hair is sticking up in odd angles. I don't think she's ever looked more beautiful. When she notices my gaze she self consciously runs a hand through her hair. "What?"

"Nothing," I reply. I choose not to say anything to her knowing a compliment would be unwelcomed, and teasing could be returned because I am certain I am no more pulled together.

I grab mugs and a chair at the table scrapes back informing me Sara has taken a seat. I start to make coffee and realize it has been over a year since I last made Sara coffee. "Still take your coffee with a lot of cream and no sugar?"

"Yeah." I prepare the drinks and slide a mug in front of Sara. "Thanks."

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After I have showered and gotten ready for the day I decide to find Sara. We haven't had the chance to talk and since we have the house to ourselves I figured this would be a good time. Her door is closed so I knock and receive a faint "Come in." When I open the door I find Sara sitting at the desk doing something on her laptop. She glances over her shoulder and smiles at me before returning her attention to the computer. I crawl onto the bed and sit cross legged in the middle of the mattress. The silence that surrounds us is comfortable. My attention is captured by a drop of water running down the part of Sara's back that is exposed by her tank-top. A second one falls from her wet hair which is pulled up in a ponytail. The water trickles down her skin effectively distracting me from anything else. "Cat?"

"Hmmm?" I tear my eyes from Sara's back only to meet her chocolaty ones observing at me with question.

"I asked if you needed something."

"Oh, no, I just thought we could catch up since that didn't end up happening last night." Something is off within me. Something is different. When realization hits me I am surprised to find what is different is that I feel content, bordering dangerously close to happy.

"Okay. How's work going?"

"Good. I'm Grave Supervisor now."

Sara nods, "I heard."

"Lindsay?" She shakes her head no. "Gil?"

"Yeah," She responds quietly. I can hear reluctance in her voice. Looking up from the comforter I wait for Sara's gaze to return to me. When we lock eyes I smile encouragingly at her. "He came to visit me." My heart temporarily stops beating.

"Wha...er...what happened?"

"Well, at first I was so happy to see him, and it seemed like the time we had spent apart had rekindled what we felt for each other. But then we kissed...and I realized nothing had changed. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything toward him. We talked and, um, spent the night together..." I am beginning to feel nauseous and am hoping Sara will be kind enough will spare me the details. "The next morning when I woke up I lay watching Gil sleep willing myself to feel something, anything, but I couldn't force emotions I don't have. When he woke up I apologized to him and explained nothing could happen. Then I packed my bag and came back here." The churning in my stomach eases slightly with this information. Images of Grissom's hands touching Sara, touching her where no one else is allowed to, where I long to, and him kissing her lips, her body, are on repeat in my brain. Torturing my heart, mind, and soul.

"So it's over?" She nods, refusing to meet my eye. When she glances up I advert my eyes. "Tell me about your trip. What did you see? What was it like?"

She smiles and rolls her eyes at me. I am about to ask her why when she says "Hot. It was very hot, and humid on land, but at sea the breeze was refreshing. Come here. I have more pictures I can show you." I get off the bed, my limbs still stiff and walk over to where she is sitting. Sara stands and motions for me to take the chair. Smiling shyly I sit. Sara leans over my shoulder and pulls up the pictures.

When she begins to describe the events surrounding the pictures her voice is quiet in my ear. Her warm breath tickles my cheek as she talks. If I lean my head back an inch it would rest on Sara's shoulder. My body is yearning to make contact with Sara, but my mind is screaming that the kind of touch I crave is too intimate and unwanted. Sara clicks on the next picture. I have to will my jaw not to drop. Sara is in a bikini. So much of her creamy skin is exposed. Quickly I mark the picture to memory never wanting to forget the skin I will most likely never have the opportunity to see again.

"That was taken at a beach in Brazil."

"Mmm." I reply not ready to take my eyes off of Sara in her bikini just yet; afraid that I will lose the image...There is something wrong with me. Especially when all the thoughts running through my head innocent, and not so innocent are about the woman standing right behind me.

Before I can register what has happened or resist my body's longing any further, my head is resting on Sara's shoulder bringing us closer momentarily. Sara moves back. I refuse to look at her knowing the uneasiness I will see in her eyes. Instead I stand and mumble, "I have a lot to do."

When I leave the room I find myself thinking about how ridiculous it is that we can sleep crammed together on the couch, but at the same time the thought of a simple, just as intimate contact like resting my head on Sara's shoulder when she is behind me, causes us to be engulfed in awkwardness.

Sighing I glance at the clock and figure it can't do any harm to go into work early.

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Taking a seat next to Michael on the couch he captures my lips in a brief kiss. I suppress the urge to cringe knowing both Lindsay and Sara are in the room. Lindsay pushes play on the movie menu. Michael takes my hand in his. I glance over at him and give him a small smile. My eyes wander to Sara next, who has been keeping her distance since our talk a week ago.

I wish it was her hand in mine. Even more I wish Sara would stop avoiding my gaze. "Hey Linzz, do you think you could close the blinds for me?"

Lindsay rolls her eyes at me. "Yes mother." She sticks her tongue out at me as she gets out of the chair.

"Thank you sweetie," I say in a sugary sweet tone. I glance at the clock. It's only four so the movie should be over before I have to leave for work. I discreetly return to watching Sara from the corner of my eye. She is curled up on the couch next to me. She has left a noticeable distance between us. As the movie begins I lean over resting my hand on her arm and whisper, "Have you seen this before?" She shakes her head no.

Her silence is tearing me apart. We have barely talked since she got back. I have been busy with work, but I have also made an effort to strike up conversation with Sara whenever I can. I can't believe such a small thing would cause Sara to detach herself like this. The only problem is I don't know what could have happened. My hand is still on Sara's arm and she flinches slightly at the contact but doesn't move. I squeeze her arm in reassurance. Glancing at her I am surprised to find her eyes meet mine.

As soon as our eyes lock I watch as her shields come flying up. Any emotions I had access to are gone and replaced by indifference. I remove my gaze from hers. I can't stop the sadness that I know is seeping into my features. When I return my eyes to the screen I catch a glimpse of guilt on Sara's face.

Michael shifts and his hand frees itself from mine before resting on my leg. His fingers rub my inner thigh gently. I focus on the TV not wanting to think about the signals he is sending me. I want to squirm away from his touch. To curl up against Sara and never leave her side. However my brain would never allow me to do this and Sara would never allow me to do it either.

Sara reaches behind me. "Excuse me." She quietly says. I realize she wants the blanket from behind me so I lean forward to allow her to take it. Sara covers herself and then moves into a more comfortable position. "Are you cold?" she whispers.

I turn to her and her eyes flicker to where Michael's hand is to Lindsay. Understanding I nod. She slides closer to me so that the blanket will cover both of us. She throws the blanket over my legs and then returns her attention to the TV.

I can sense eyes on me and divert my attention from Sara who is consumed in the movie to find the crystal blue eyes of my daughter watching me. She raises an eyebrow before rolling her eyes once again at me this afternoon. I mouth at her 'what.' She shakes her head. Her eyes darting from me to Sara back to me and then to Michael. Michael. I focus my eyes on him and realize that he has not once taken his eyes from the television screen. I smirk. Men.

I gulp when Sara's hand brushes against mine beneath the blanket. Surprise registers in the back of my mind when her hand returns and stays right beside mine. The small amount of contact sending my mind spinning. Questions about her distance, and sudden change in demeanor firing in my head.

Cautiously I link my pinky over hers. I notice how the edges of her lips curl in the corner of my eye. She takes my hand in hers and tangles her fingers with mine. And that's how we stay for the remainder of the film. Holding hands under the blanket.

* * *

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

**

* * *

******

Catherine's POV

There is a knock on my office door. Removing my glasses I look up and say, "Come in." Greg enters the room practically bouncing off the walls in joy. I can't help but smile at his childish demeanor. "What's up?"

He smiles brightly at me, "Sara is here."

"She is?" I ask raising an eyebrow. Greg's mood must be contagious because I can't wipe the smile from my face.

"Yeah," He replies as he rocks on the balls of his feet. A quiet chuckle escapes me.

"You really miss her don't you?" He nods. His eyes never leave me. I am hoping he will leave soon so I can go see Sara myself. Even though I see her almost every day it is always nice to see her. It has been two weeks since we held hands beneath the blanket and Sara has bounced back and forth between friendly to completely detached. No more hand holding or hugs.

I think we are both more aware of Michael's presence among other things. At least I am, I can't speak for Sara. Still that doesn't stop me from wanting to touch Sara, hold Sara, and love Sara openly. I have no clue how Sara would feel about any of this, but as long as I am with Michael it is not even a possibility. It's most likely not a possibility period.

I realize that Greg is still standing in front of me which snaps me back into reality. "Do you need something Greg?"

"Sara is asking to see you. I told her I'd check to see if you are busy."

A smile touches my lips once again. Greg looks slightly puzzled. He like the rest of the lab knows that Sara and I have had our ups and down, and we are not usually the people to bring smiles to each other's faces. At least that is what they think.

I take a moment to reign in my emotions until my expression is friendly but professional. "Of course," I say as I stand. "Where is she?"

"I think Nick took her to the break room to meet Riley and Ray."

"Oh. Let's go then." I straighten my clothes, and have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I'm being ridiculous. Following Greg out of my office I ask, "How is Riley by the way?"

"I don't know. Ask her. Why would you ask me?"

"I was just wondering if you had gathered the courage to ask her out yet."

"I told you I'm not..."

"Of course not Greggo." I wink at him before we enter the break room, which causes him to sigh in exasperation.

"I'm never going to convince you otherwise am I?"

"Not without solid proof."

Turning my attention to the people in the break room my eyes are instantly drawn to Sara. "Catherine."

I smile at her, "Sara," I realize I can take advantage of the situation and walk over to where she is standing next to the table. She raises and eyebrow at me and my smile only widens. "I don't get a hug? It's been forever Sidle." To everyone else the comment is innocent, but I see recognition flash through Sara's eyes and she nods as a small smile caresses her lips. Her arms wrap around me and I bite my bottom lip to hold back the sigh of content threatening to escape me. Running my hands up her back I hold Sara tightly to me. My eyes flutter shut for a moment before we are forced to break apart so that we don't look suspicious. As we do I run my hand down Sara's arm and briefly squeeze her hand. Glancing around no one appears to find my gesture odd, or at least they are hiding it if they do. They aren't paying much attention to us anyhow. Greg is talking to Riley about their case and Nick is at the coffee machine while Ray has refocused his attention to the newspaper article he is reading.

"You met everyone?"

"Yeah. It feels nice to be back here, a little odd, but nice."

"Well you can stop in whenever you like Sara. During night shift of course. I heard you wanted to talk?" Sara nods. "Why don't we go to my office? It's less hectic there. I don't know why it is so hectic in here people should be _working_."

Greg and Riley leave the room in a hurry and Nick glances at his watch before rushing out of the room. Ray glances up at me and shrugs. "I've closed my case and nothing new has come in."

"That means you don't have to scurry out of the room guiltily. Good. That's what I like to see." He laughs quietly. "Come on Sar let's let Ray catch up on the latest news. It's not like we don't have enough of that depressing stuff around here already."

"It's good to keep up with the latest news Catherine."

"Only if you have a separation between work and the rest of your life. I'd hate to see you start falling apart because of the lack of that separation. I've seen it happen before." I glance at Sara and she catches me doing so. Her eyes dart to the ground. People might have thought I was too wrapped up in myself, or that I didn't care, but I watched Sara multiple times falling apart from a distance. I worried about her and each time prayed to God that she wouldn't hit the bottom too hardly. If I had, had more courage I would have tried to help her. I wouldn't have argued with her the way I did.

I leave the room and Sara takes that as her cue to follow me. I don't want to wait for Ray's response. I don't want to be forced to think about what happened and what didn't happen any longer. The important thing is Sara is here with me right now. Maybe not the way I want her to be, but as a friend.

I hold my office door open for Sara and close it behind her.

When I turn around I find Sara standing right behind me. I look up into her eyes and have to fight off the urge to kiss her. Her warm brown eyes are gazing down at me with a concoction of emotions. The corner of her lips curl and her hands slide up my arms before she takes me into her welcoming embrace once again. I snake my arms around Sara's waist and pull her closer to me. Burying my face in her shoulder I manage to muffle the sigh that I couldn't hold back.

We stand like this for a few minutes, in silence, enjoying the presence and proximity of each other. "I was wondering if you could take a break?" Sara asks quietly in my ear.

"Why?" I will do anything to prolong this moment. When I break apart from Sara I know that the chill that has permanently settled over me will be a little stronger than it had been the moment before.

"Coffee? You left the house at nine last night and now it's noon. I'm thinking you might be in need of some."

I chuckle into her shoulder. "You've got that right...You didn't like being at the house alone."

"What!?!"

"Yeah, you didn't like being at the house without me."

"No."

'Come on Sara admit it..."

"Cat I..."

"Flatter me."

"Okay. I didn't like being at the house by myself. I was getting lonely."

"I knew it."

"Mmm-hmmm."

"Were you really lonely or are you just saying that?"

"I really was," Sara says softly. "Coffee?"

"Definitely. They opened up a new Starbucks down the road."

"Sounds good to me. But honestly who needs that many choices of coffee?"

"Some people like variety."

"All three thousand favors?" I pull away from Sara and turn off the light.

"There are not three thousand flavors you are exaggerating."

"Yeah by two flavors." I roll my eyes and usher her out of the office.

"Are you going to ramble on about this the whole time? Because if you are I would like a forewarning so I can bring my iPod to tune you out."

"Ouch. That's not nice."

"Well you and your coffee flavor concerns deserved it. I just have to stop in the locker room and grab my wallet."

"No use, I'm paying, and I don't think I deserved it. That's no way to treat the person buying you coffee. The person that buys you coffee is the equivalent of God."

"Mmm so true. If I had known you were buying me coffee I would have been nicer." Sara sends me a pouty expression.

"You're only nice to me, because I buy you coffee?"

"It would seem so." I nudge her with my arm and send her a blinding smile. "Is there any way you can ever forgive me?"

"Hmmm." Sara stops and I turn and observe as she pretends to contemplate her answer. She is so cute sometimes. "If I can see that smile more often you are forgiven."

"Deal." I send her a huge smile. A genuine smile. "Coffee now woman. My reserves are running low." I say and then make my way out of the building with Sara at my side.

Nick is coming into the building followed by one of the new detectives.

"Where are you ladies going?" He asks with that friendly Texan drawl.

"Starbucks." Sara informs him.

'I'll be back soon Nicky. Can you manage to hold down the fort?" Nick smiles at me.

"You bet Cath. Have fun you two. Try not to kill each other over cups of coffee."

"We'll try our hardest Nick. See you later," Sara says and then turns to me. "Are we walking or driving?"

'It's not too hot. I wouldn't mind walking if that's okay with you. It would be nice to get some fresh air."

"Sounds good to me. So tell me any good cases today?"

"No. Well yes but not mine. I've been stuck with paperwork."

"The unfortunate side to being supervisor. Are you still interested in going to the movies?"

I glance over at Sara and smile, "Yeah," She stops and holds the door of the Starbucks open for me, "Thanks."

"No problem. I was thinking that maybe we could go together. I'm not sure what is playing but we could probably find something. Michael and Lindsay can join us if you want."

"No, Lindsay would probably would die of embarrassment being seen going to the movies with a group of her mother's friends. I would like...I would really like it if it is just us."

A cute gap-toothed smile appears on Sara's face, "I would like that too. This weekend?"

We step in line and Sara places a hand on my lower back. I know it is just a friendly gesture that she sometimes used to do when we worked together, but I can feel my heartbeat quickening. Knowing I shouldn't, I move closer to Sara. I stop myself from jumping when Sara begins to lightly trace small circles on my lower back with her fingers.

I turn my head to look at Sara and find her already watching me. I send her a small smile she returns the smile. Realization flashes across her face and her fingers stop moving. We both take a few steps apart and I glance around relieved not to see anyone I know in the shop. "This weekend sounds good."

"Huh?"

"For the movie."

"Oh, okay." We step up to take our order.

"One large vanilla ice soy blended latté please."

"Alright is that it?" The cheery looking cashier asks.

"No," I take Sara's elbow between my fingers and move her closer hoping to show her I don't mind it when we touch. "Can I have a large coffee, um, make it black."

"Okay. Will that be all today?" Sara removes her arm from my hand.

"Yes," she smiles at the young girl.

I am passed my latté and wander off to find us a place to sit. I pick out a place in the corner near the window hoping that we will have a little more privacy from the people inside.

Sara joins me and I can tell she's already become a little more distant. I observe her as she runs a finger along the rim of her coffee cup. She sighs and focuses her attention out of the window. Cautiously I reach out and cover her hand, resting on the table, with mine. Sara flinches and turns her darkened brown pools toward me. To my surprise I feel her gently squeezing my hand so I match her grip. "You know it's okay Sara, if we touch. We're not doing anything wrong."

She nods and returns to looking back out her window. I wish I could figure out what is going on in her mind.

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I struggle to fight off sleep as I grab the evidence out of the back of the truck. I know I will be pulling at least a double shift most likely triple. After I finished my break with Sara at Starbucks I decided I was going to clock out when I got a call from Ecklie informing me of a triple homicide, and since it is a high priority case that meant all hands on deck.

Stopping in the appropriate labs quickly I'm hoping to catch ten minutes of sleep in my office before having to follow any leads. I know that won't be happening as I turn the corner and discover my office light on. Stepping into the room I am pleasantly surprised to find my daughter sitting on the couch waiting for me. I close and lock the door behind me and pull the shades before I return my attention to Lindsay. "I'm beginning to think buying you that car paid off. I'm seeing you much more often than I used to."

She smiles and holds out a cup of coffee. "I saw the news and figured you could use this."

"Thanks babe. I don't know what I would do without you." I brush my lips against the top of her head and sit across from Lindsay on the couch. Slipping off my shoes I curl up on the couch and gaze at my daughter. "Are you working tonight?"

"Yeah I have to be there in about forty-five minutes."

"What time will you be home?" Lindsay shrugs.

"I was thinking about putting in a couple extra hours. I wanted to buy a new outfit," I raise an eyebrow at her. "Yeah I know I'm supposed to be saving for college."

I can't help but smile. "That's not what I was thinking. I was wondering if there is a specific reason you wanted a new outfit."

"I might have a date."

"Really? You know I'll pay for the outfit right Linzz? I don..."

"I just figured you'd want me to get it with my own money. You know getting ready for the real life."

I roll my eyes. "I'm your mom at least let me indulge in spoiling you sometimes."

"Alright," Lindsay sends me a devilish grin that makes me rethink my offer. We sit in silence for a moment. I know I should be getting back to work, but it is so rare that I get to spend time with Lindsay. I won't take a break later to make up for now. Lindsay is more important than work. I've always known that even if I haven't always shown that I do. "Do you know where Sara is?"

"Um, no...why?"

Lindsay shrugs her shoulders at me in response. "I just figured...I knew she was over here earlier, but she left when I got home and hasn't been back since. She seemed kind of down," She shrugs again, "I'm a little worried."

"Oh, well I haven't, um, I haven't heard from her, but if I do I'll let you know. Have you tried calling her cell phone?"

Lindsay nods. "She's not answering," My daughter informs me quietly.

"I'm sure she's fine..." I have to refrain from chewing my bottom lip due to the amount of worry that has suddenly flooded me. Is Sara really fine? I've noticed her mood swings and I've brushed them off, but maybe I should have given them more consideration.

"And Michael?"

"Huh?" I say feeling rather unintelligent at the moment. My brain is preoccupied now with fears and uncertainties, yet seems to be moving sluggishly. As if it is unwilling to process any more information.

"You haven't once asked how Michael is doing so I will tell you anyhow. He found out you won't be home so decided to work late and then go out with a few friends, or at least that's what he said when he called."

"Oh. Right. That's good. It's good for him to spend time with his friends."

"Mmm-hmm. You know it's obvious Michael's not the one you care about."

"What are you talking about?"

Lindsay snorts in disbelief. "He hasn't noticed yet, but you don't care about him..."

"That's not true. I..."

"Not the way you should when you are in a relationship with someone." I remain silent not wanting to lie to Lindsay, but still unwilling to admit the pitiful truth. "But you do care for Sara. Maybe even love her." That wasn't a question...

"Linzz..."

"If you don't love him maybe it's time you let Michael go. Not only for his sake, but for your own too."

"I...I can't Lindsay. You don't understand..."

"I have to go. Just think about it when you have some free time, and please don't work yourself too hard." She stands and I give her a quick hug.

"Love you. Be safe."

"I will Mom," she says with playful annoyance. "Love you too."

I wait until Lindsay leaves the room before slouching back and closing my eyes. A sigh of frustration emanates from between my lips. I can feel a headache approaching, but decide to ignore it for the time being. Lindsay is right. I can't keep doing this to Michael, the only problem is I'm afraid I won't have another chance at love. I'm afraid that leaving him would be a mistake. Just because he isn't Sara doesn't mean that Michael can't make me happy. A dull sort of happy.

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Three days without proper sleep. Three days since I've been home. I can barely stand as I stumble through the front door. The house is quiet; Lindsay is at school, Michael is working, and there is no sign of Sara. Not that noise matters. I could probably sleep through a gun fight in the living room at this point. After a moment I can make out the faint clicking of fingers flying across a keyboard and know that Sara is in her room.

I make my way toward my bedroom and have to stop in the hall using the wall as support as the world around me starts to sway. "Hey Cath," Sara's voice sounds from behind me. "Are you alright?" I can sense her presence suddenly at my side. I glance over at her and push off the wall. I didn't account for my legs deciding to give out on me and would have collapsed if Sara's strong arms didn't wrap themselves around me. "Careful," she says in a soothing voice. "Have you slept at all since you were last home?"

"Couple hours." I reply leaning into Sara for support. I can feel the welcoming darkness of unconsciousness creeping into the edges of my mind. My eyelids are becoming increasingly heavier by the second.

"When was the last time you ate?" I shrug in response. "What about fluids? Have you been keeping yourself hydrated at least?" I shrug again. "Okay. How about..."

"I'm so tired...I just need to sleep." I finish my sentence which is emphasized by a large yawn. I rest my head on Sara's shoulder and she begins to help me the rest of the way to the bedroom.

I should protest, but I am too tired.

Instead I wrap an arm around Sara's waist. We make it to the bedroom and Sara stands by me while I sit on the bed and take off my shoes. I'm not ready to let her go and too tired to care how anything looks. Taking her hand in mine I quietly ask, "Stay?"

Sara look at me with pain filled eyes."I can't. We can't. You know that..."

"Please?" Another yawn escapes me and my eyes are screaming in protest against remaining open. "Until I fall asleep? Then you can leave. I promise it won't take long." I attempt sending her a small smile.

Sara gazes at me and I cannot tell what is going through her mind.

"Okay," Her answer is barely audible. I tighten my grip on her hand.

"Thank you." She nods. Leaning closer to me Sara takes me by surprise as she slides my coat down my arms. I let her remove the article of clothing. "There is a blanket on the top shelf of the closet." Sara's eyes briefly meet mine and I can see that she understands what I am doing.

While she finds the blanket I drag myself backward onto the bed. When my head hits the pillow I feel as if I am almost in heaven, but there is one thing missing. Sara crosses the room and sits on the bed beside me. I tug on her arm and she lays down turning on her side to face me. I grab the blanket from her hands and cover us before sliding closer to Sara.

Her hand slips from beneath the covers and Sara runs her fingers through my hair soothingly. Opening my eyes I can see the tears welling in those brown orbs and force my eyes closed knowing that I am causing those tears. That pain. We both know this is wrong, but I talked Sara into it. She might not have feelings for me, but I've known one thing all along; Sara can't say no to me.

I drape an arm over Sara's hip and bury my face in her shoulder. I hold her close hoping to soothe her. The shaking of her body informs me that I have the opposite effect. I cling to her wanting the pain to go away. Wanting her to tell me what is wrong. Wanting so much. Needing to sleep.

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Opening my eyes I am disappointed to find myself in an empty bed, but knew it would happen. The spot next to me however is still warm, which means Sara could have only left the bed a few minutes ago. Glancing at the clock my eyes go wide, "Shit!." I scramble out of bed and dash into the bathroom. I only have half an hour to get to work.

After a quick shower, towel drying my hair, and a fresh coat of makeup I leave my bedroom. Glancing at the watch around my wrist I feel accomplished when I discover that I have exactly fifteen minutes to get to work. I grab my shoes and I am hopping around trying to get them on when Sara walks into my view holding a piece of toast and coffee.

I manage to get my shoes on and then take the food and drink from her hands. Without thinking I mumble, "Thanks," and brush my lips against her cheek.

Grabbing my keys I open the door and turn once more to send Sara a small smile of gratitude. Upon seeing the shock written clearly on her face realization hits me of what I did. "I...I...sorry." I sigh defeated, and feeling my spirits deflate a little. She nods at me and I close the door needing to leave. Needing to erase the shock from her face. Shock I know would be followed by anger or disgust.

I take a bite of the toast Sara gave me and rush to my car. "Hey pretty lady." I look up to see Michael getting out of his car.

"Hey."

"Are you leaving without giving me a kiss?" I almost drop my coffee at his words. Guilt courses through me, but unsurprisingly no regret.

"No. No of course not. I'm just running late." Michael walks over to me. His hands fall to my hips pulling me closer and his lips descend to mine. I kiss him back. Allow him to stick his tongue in my mouth without actually feeling anything. No sparks. It's nice, but not the same. My lips are still tingling from their contact with Sara's face. I pull away. "Gotta go."

"Okay," He says; there is a hint of disappointment in his tone. "Be safe. I love you."

"I love you too," I reply knowing that it's not a lie, but it's not the truth either.

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My cell phone vibrates against my hip and I remove it from my pocket. I glance down at it. Sara. Looking up at Hodges I send him an apologetic smile. "I've got to take this. Finish without me."

"Oh. Okay. You know Grissom would have ignored it." I can see the slight hurt in his eyes.

"Yeah well I'm not Grissom, and I won't chance ignoring a family emergency." He raises an eyebrow but doesn't continue.

I exit the room. My phone has stopped vibrating. I hit the number one on speed dial and wait for Sara to answer. I make my way towards the front door and step outside for privacy.

"Hi," Sara's quiet voice says on the other end of the line.

"Hey. Sorry I was in a meeting."

"Oh. Sorry." The tone of her voice is making me nervous. She sounds so sad. So lost.

"What's wrong?" I pray to God her mood isn't due to the peck on the cheek I gave her earlier.

"Nothing. Well...I don't know."

"Do you need me to come home? Because I can."

"No, no Cat I'm fine."

"Sara..."

"I think I'm going to find my own place." The world around me seems to come to a screeching halt. My brain is paralyzed.

"O...Oh...um, why?" Find her own place as in move out. I knew this would come eventually, but I wasn't prepared for it.

"I...I just need my own space."

"Alright, I mean if it is what you want."

"I...I do." I can feel my heart shattering once again in the hands of this woman.

"Let me, um, let me know if you need help."

"I will." I can feel the tears forming. The lump in my throat is making it harder to breathe. She's just finding her own place. It's not like I'll never see her again. Still I know this means everything will change. Maybe that's what Sara wants.

Difficultly I swallow around the painful lump in my throat. "I have to get back to work," I whisper.

"Yeah. I guess, I'll, um see you later."

I nod and remember she can't see me. "Breakfast?"

"How about the movies? You said we would go and it is Friday."

"Okay. We'll make plans when I get out of work." It's becoming a little easier to breathe. Thank God, Sara knows how to distract me from myself.

"I've really got to go. Bye Sara."

"Bye...Cat..." I pause waiting.

"Yeah?"

"This is for the best." She doesn't need to elaborate.

"I know," I pause to take a deep breath, "I know it is Sara."

* * *

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: **Changes  
**Pairing: **Cath/Sara  
**Rating: **M  
**Disclaimer: **Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it  
**Summary: **Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?  
**Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)**  
**SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"**

Special thanks to my beta abina2810

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Catherine's POV

Circling another choice in the paper I go back counting five apartments. I look up at Sara who is sitting across from me at the kitchen table. She is absorbed in her own newspaper. "How many possibilities do you have?" I ask quietly.

Sara gazes up at me, a sad smile placed delicately upon her lips. "Three." I pass her the paper. Her fingers brush over mine as she takes it from me. Her now shy smile mirrors mine. "Thanks."

"No problem… Sara…I…I don't want you to go. I'm sorry about…what has been happening between us. I never meant to…"

"Please don't." My eyes dart from their spot on the table to Sara. I cannot stop the confusion that leaks onto my face. "Don't apologize for what has happened, or what hasn't…" Sara sighs and drops her head. Her quiet voice floats across the room "I'm not going to…to lie…I," She shakes her head."Never mind," Sara mutters and then gets up from the table. I watch as she leaves the room.

Frustration at its highest levels I follow her. With our communication we never get anywhere. Avoiding each other in the most important of times. I don't want that. I know Sara doesn't either.

Sara's door is closed, but I ignore it; I walk in without announcing my presence. Sara is perched on the side of her bed. Head hung, resting in her hands. Her arms using her legs as support. "What is it…Sara…what won't you lie about?" I falter with uncertainty. Sara stands and walks past me. For a moment I believe she is going to run, but she shuts the door and returns to stand in front of me.

"I know…Iknowthatyouhavefeelingsforme," She blurts out.

I can feel my heart sink; knowing what she has said even if it was barely decipherable. I nod going to turn. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"I have feelings for you too Cat." I whip back around eyes wide.

"You…you do?" Sara nods refusing to meet my eyes. Against my will my legs carry me to Sara. I wrap my arms around her neck my eyes never leaving hers. Cautiously I bring my face closer to hers. I hesitate unsure of my actions. Inching closer my lips tingle in anticipation.

I search Sara's eyes hoping to find a signal allowing me to close the distance between us. "Cath we can't…I…we just can't…"

"Just once," I whisper; my words caressing her lips. Once so that I will forever hold the taste of her lips, the feel of her lips against mine, in a bittersweet memory. Once to learn what is between us. Once to express all that we feel. Once to give into temptation. And once, once to realize what will be denying; what we will be sacrificing for what is right.

Sara nods and leans forward. When our lips touch sparks fly between them. Her lips are so soft and full. As we become comfortable with each other pressure is increased. I move Sara back until she hits the bed and falls with only a small 'oof' breaking our kiss.

We separate for air. I find myself straddling Sara's legs. I smile at her before capturing her lips with my own. Lips part. Tongues explore. Moans escape.

Sara flips beneath me causing her to hover over me. One hand tangled with mine as the other strains to hold her up. I lift my body needing more contact as Sara runs her tongue along mine. She breaks the kiss. "Catherine we can't," Her lips brush over mine. Pain filling her eyes and my heart. "You're in a relationship." I crash my lips into hers in an attempt to remove the statement from between us. I am in a relationship I have no desire to be in. One I am in only because I never believed I could have what is occurring right now.

"Don't… don't think about that Sara," I gasp out between breaths."There is nothing…there. I don't want him. I…I want _you_," I whisper. Her lips seek out mine. My hand caresses her jaw. The front door slams.

"Catherine are you here?"

"Michael," I state quietly. Sara's eyes are wide and I am certain my eyes mirror hers.

She rolls off of me and I jump up. "Yeah, yeah I'm here. Hold on a second, I'll be right out." I reply as I straighten my clothes in an attempt to appear less disheveled. Less like I have been kissing my best friend behind my boyfriend's back.

I exit the room not daring to look back at Sara. Knowing whatever I could see will not help the guilt and pain that is currently residing within me.

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Boxes. Boxes everywhere. Sara has had her things taken out of storage and they will be moved from here to her new apartment tomorrow. When they are gone the house will feel empty. When Sara is gone my heart will feel empty.

She found an apartment in record time. All it took her was two weeks. I have no doubt she was fueled by our kiss. She has to leave because of what we have done, and what we might do…

Michael is waiting for me at the front door. "Are you ready?" He smiles at me and I weakly smile back.

"Yeah let's go. Where are we going again?"

"A small restaurant I found the other day. I don't remember the name, but it was nice. Run by an older couple. Really cozy,"

The front door opens and Lindsay enters with Sara behind her. I press my lips to Lindsay's forehead. "I'll see you later babe. Michael and I are going out. Don't keep Sara up too late she has to move into her new place tomorrow."

Lindsay rolls her eyes at me. "I won't mom." Looking up I lock eyes with Sara. The corner of her lips curl. I try to smile at her, but fail. Instead she receives a half smile.

Michael takes my hand and we go out to the car. "Shit!"

"What?" Michael looks up at me in confusion.

"I forgot my cell phone. I'll be right back."

"Okay," he gets in the car and starts it. I run back into the house well aware that my cell phone is in the purse swinging from my arm. I enter the house and pause. I listen attempting to figure out who is where. I can hear the TV on so I start with the living room. I stop in the doorframe only finding Lindsay. She glances at me before raising an eyebrow in question and returning to the TV.

"That was fast." I roll my eyes at her.

"Where's Sara?"

"Why?" Lindsay asks with underlining amusement.

"I need to tell her something."

"It must be really important." My frustration is growing.

"Will you stop stalling and tell me where she is. Michael is waiting." I turn to find her myself.

"She said something about taking a shower. Michael doesn't know why you came back in here does he?"

"No." I respond and make my way toward the bathroom.

I knock on the door and wait. "Yeah?"

"It's me," My voice is quiet.

"Cath? Hold on a sec." I can hear some noise behind the door before it is unlocked. Sara opens the door to my surprise in her bra and a pair of boxers. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Why aren't you…"

I silence her by crashing my lips against hers. I push her backward into the room as my fingers tangle in her hair. I close the door behind us with my foot. Recovering from shock Sara starts to kiss me back with desperation. Her arms circle me, pulling me closer.

I back Sara into the wall. Refusing to pull away from the kiss even though my lungs are burning as they scream for air. Afraid that I will never have the chance to feel this again. The love. The passion. The sensations.

I can feel Sara griping at my shoulder pushing yet clasping onto me. I pull away and gaze up at her. Our foreheads resting against one another's. "We can't do this Catherine. We can't…I can't. There is just too much…"

"I know…" I shake my head trying to compile my thoughts. "I know we can't. You are leaving tomorrow and I didn't know if I would be here when you did. I was just, Sara, I don't want you to disappear. I don't want this to disappear." I can feel tears building. I wrap my arms around Sara needing her closer. My fingers skimming smooth skin, and scars.

"The hand holding, and cuddling it was borderline inappropriate. The kissing…the kissing it's… The bottom line is we have to stop this before it goes any further Catherine. This aspect of our relationship will stop, but our friendship will still be here. I'm only moving ten minutes away Cath."

I nod. I chastely brush my lips over Sara's one last time. "This is never how I wanted this to be Sara. I wish I could give everything up so that we could be together, but it's complicated, and I can't."

"I know you can't." I smile sadly at Sara. She lowers her lips to mine. Our kiss is slow, loving, and final.

Detaching myself from the woman that holds my heart without knowing it ,I turn around and leave the room. Leave the room to return to my boyfriend. To Michael.

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Michael pulls into the parking lot of a small building on the outskirts of Vegas. We get out and I wait for him in front of the car. When he is at my side I wrap an arm around his waist and lean into him; resting my head on his shoulder. He slips his hand into my back pocket and kisses the top of my head creating guilt, which then floods me. Guilt and fear.

What if he kisses me and my lips taste like Sara's? He will find out what I have been doing. Even if it only happened twice…I was unfaithful. I vowed to myself I would never cheat on my partner. I would never do what all of those men have done to me.

And here I am sneaking around behind Michael's back to kiss Sara. I have no doubt if it weren't for Sara things would have gone further. Much further.

It is hard, however, to be disgusted with myself. There are traces of disgust, but mostly sadness and guilt. I do love Michael. I love him so much, but I do not love him the way I love Sara. I am not _in_ love with him.

Our relationship should have ended months ago, but even now I know I do not have the heart to end it. My guilt only pushes me to be closer to Michael. If this does end, which at this point seems inevitable, I do not want it to be on a bad note. I need Michael to understand that I do love him. I never want him to question that.

We are led to a booth and I slide onto the bench next to Michael. I rest my hand on his leg as I look through the menu. He places his hand on top of mine, "You are extra loving tonight," Michael whispers in my ear. I send him a small smile. "Is everything okay?" I nod and kiss him softly.

"Everything is perfect." I respond wrestling back my sarcasm. He watches me wearily before accepting my answer.

The waitress appears by our table. "Can I start you two off with drinks?" Michael tells her what he wants and then she turns to me, "And you ma'am?"

I order the largest beer available. "Hey baby? What do you think about going dancing after dinner? Just for a couple of hours?" As I ask I lightly trail my fingers up and down his leg.

"Okay," He replies enthusiastically. One thing I've always liked about Michael is he enjoys dancing almost as much as I do.

The waitress returns with our drinks. I take a large swig of the bitter liquid I ordered. It is going to be a long night.

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I stumble into the house, my vision blurred at the edges. My high running through me; erasing all of my earlier thoughts. Michael comes up behind me, spinning me, before crashing his lips to mine. As we move backward we trip over shoes knocking things over in our path. I break the kiss unable to help the giggle that escapes me.

"Shhh. There…there are people in the house." Michael is shaking with his own silent laughter as he lifts me off the ground. I squeal, wrapping my legs around him.

We proceed toward our room attempting to be quiet. My earlier drinks appear to have caused a fit of giggles from me as we make our way down the hall. Michael's lips break from mine. Moving to my neck. I throw my head back granting him more access. Squeezing my eyes shut I allow the sensations to swallow me.

A moan emanates from me; a smile curling on my lips.

As we enter the room. I open my eyes and lock eyes with Sara who is standing in the hallway. An expression of defeat upon her face. Sadly she smiles at me and goes back into her room. All of the giddiness from the alcohol has disappeared, and I can feel the smile fall from my lips.

Michael lays me on the bed. I can feel his finger working at the buttons of my shirt. There is a deep intake of breath as he realizes I'm not wearing a bra. Soon my pants and thong follow. I hear his pants zipper. Propping myself on my elbows I allow my open shirt to pool around me.

I gaze at him. He is more than ready. He pushes me back on the bed. Eagar to slide himself into me. I pull myself up the bed, away from him, and he follows me.

When Michael is hovering over me I push gently on his shoulder until he is lying flat on his back, gazing up at me with anticipation. I straddle him. His hardness pressing into my thigh.

Leaning forward I kiss him before reaching down between my legs and taking the shaft of his penis and guiding it within myself. Rolling and gyrating my hips I throw my head back and shut my eyes. The images flashing behind my eyelids are not of Michael. My fingertips brush over his chest.

I can feel tears building in my eyes. Trickling down my cheeks.

Michael's breathing is becoming heavy. Opening my eyes I watch as he stiffens and his climax overtakes him; my small orgasm flowing through me. Quickly I wipe the tears from my eyes, and place a small smile upon my lips. As Michael's eyes flicker open they meet mine and his smile touch his dark pools lighting up their chocolaty depths.

Getting off of him I lay by his side, allowing Michael to hold me in his arms. I bury my face in his chest. Taking in his sent. A mixture of sweat, sex, and Michael.

As his light snores fill the room I detangle myself from his arms. The lump in my throat is making it difficult to breathe and the tears in my eyes burn as they remain unshed. Slipping into the bathroom I lock the door and rest my back against it. As I slide down the cool wood I can feel my resolve slipping, tears falling, my body shaking. Cradling my head in my hands I give into the pain. The guilt. The longing. Anger. I wish I could be numb. Unresponsive to my actions.

Sara. All I can think about is Sara. Hurting Sara. Loving Sara. Sara's lips against mine, knowing our brief kisses were a mistake. Not because of the affect they will have if not now, but later on my relationship, but because now we are aware of what we are missing. I know what it feels like to have Sara, if only for a brief moment, meaning, I know exactly what I am giving up.

I don't know if I can. I don't know if I will ever be able to leave behind Sara Sidle.

My legs lift me, my hand opens the bathroom door, and my body carries me out of the bedroom without my permission. I find myself standing, facing, Sara's closed door. Timidly I knock.

I gaze down at my feet. My hair affectively acting as a shield, hiding my face. The door opens and I cannot bring myself to look up. The room is dark. We stand in silence until finally I can gather my courage and meet Sara's eye. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

Sara's hand is on my lower back guiding me into the room. She closes the door behind me engulfing us in complete darkness. It is not difficult to find the bed once my eyes adjust. I climb under the covers and once I reach the middle of the bed I turn around and rest on my side. I discover that Sara is already facing me. Gazing into her eyes I am uncertain of what to say; confused about what is happening. Hands search each other out beneath the comforter before fingers tangle. Unshed tears are reflected in the moonlight that pours through the window illuminating Sara's breathtaking features.

Cautiously I lean in and brush my lips against Sara's. She does no pull away, yet she does not respond. As the first tear rolls down her porcelain cheek I am shocked to discover my own cheeks are already soaked with tears once more.

I slide closer to Sara. Nuzzling my face into her neck; Sara wraps me in her arms. My own free arm snakes up and I grasp at her shoulder from behind; desperately searching for a way to bring her closer to me.

Tomorrow Sara will move out. I do not know what it will mean for us. I do not know if it will shine a light on our situation. It will change _us_. It could possibly even alter our friendship.

For now we focus on tonight. We do not know what our actions tonight mean for us. We do not know if our silence or our words will bring clarity. Tonight will change _us_. Tonight may even alter our friendship.

Only time can tell.

* * *

TBC...


End file.
